A Letter to The Girls Who Have Never Been Loved


“You’ve never been in a relationship?” they ask us in an astonished tone, doing their best to mask the confusion and pity they feel for the girl standing in front of them. And you smile and nod in response, trying to brush off the question as if it hasn’t already spilled salt in a bleeding wound. Deep down, you know ignoring is never a remedy for the sting. The truth that you’ve never fallen in love, and that no one has ever fallen in love with you, is a loneliness that is incomparable to most form of pains—and you’ve been feeling it for so long that it’s hard to imagine it ever going away.

Remember, You’re Not Alone.

Regardless of how much denial we want to bury ourselves in, the social norm for our culture is to have been part of a romantic relationship, or multiple romantic relationships, by the time we enter college. This is further proven by songs, movies, books, and couples boasting their perfect relationships on social media.

This constant bombardment of a love fueled atmosphere is enough to spiral us “forever alone” folk into an extremely sad state of mind. But it’s not abnormal. There are more of us girls than you think who haven’t been in love and it’s not a bad thing. Comparing your life to others is the only “wrong” thing about this scenario. It will grant no positivity to your life. Don’t focus on societal expectations and always remember—you’re not alone in having never experienced love.

There is Nothing Wrong With You.

It’s easy to chalk up your lack of relationships to your own personal flaws and it can seem as if there is something wrong with you that acts as a repellant to all potential suiters. That is not the case. When outward experiences aren’t going as planned, we tend to look for inward blame.

That’s not only harmful to your self-esteem but can also make you feel even worse. Embrace who you are and understand that love is about accepting another person’s flaws and not about avoiding people who have them. You will find someone who loves you for you.

We’re Strongly Independent.

Compared to most, we have spent the largest portions of our lives having to be utterly dependent on ourselves for all aspects of life and this is an immensely essential process for young women to go through.

We’ve only ever relied on ourselves to find happiness, to feel secure, to find comfort, and to fulfill our needs and this gives us a unique stability and strength. We all know the girl who always feels like she has to be in a relationship to feel okay, and luckily, that will never have to be us because we’ve already mastered self-sufficiency.

We Will Be Amazing Lovers.

Years upon years of unused love have been storing up in our hearts, and the person we eventually meet will be extremely lucky to have us. We have so much to offer and we are more than ready and willing to give our all to the person who deserves our love. Once we meet the person we’ve been waiting for, the love will be authentic, fresh, exciting, and consuming. It will be everything we ever hoped for.     

A Quote To End On

“It is the secret fear that we are unlovable that isolates us, but it is only because we are isolated that we think we are unlovable. Someday, you do not know when, you will be driving down a road. And someday, you do not know when, he, or indeed she, will be there. You will be loved because for the first time in your life, you will truly not be alone.” - Gabrielle Zevin