It's Not You, It's Me: The Top 5 Ways To Have The Most Disastrous Breakup Ever

Okay, let’s be real - we’ve all been the girl crying in her bed, watching endless romantic comedies, and eating a tub of ice cream after a break-up. No matter how long the relationship lasted, break-ups are tough. The rejection, the loss of contact, the sting of loneliness… well, it can make us all a little crazy. There are times, however, when in our moments of desperation, we make a few bad decisions. Usually, these decisions lead to more problems, more tears, and more pain, which is why Her Campus is here to call them out, so you don’t have the most disastrous breakup ever!

1. Constantly Monitoring His Facebook Profile

Sometimes Facebook makes it almost too easy to keep tabs on someone. And after an especially tough breakup, you basically have a right to monitor your ex-boyfriend. I mean, if a pretty girl writes an inside joke on his wall, it’s definitely your prerogative to ‘like’ it as a way of asserting your claim to him. Even more so, when pictures of him are posted, you should definitely ‘friend’ the person who posted them, then continuously monitor his/her Facebook too, in case your ex-boyfriend untagged any photos of himself. And in terms of being the crazy ex-girlfriend, the best tool on Facebook may in fact be the Events page. You can see where he will be, what time he will be there, and who else is going. Then you can use that information to casually run into him… surprise! “I still look at my ex-boyfriend’s Facebook,” admits Claire, a student at the University of Missouri. “It’s mostly out of habit, but even after a few months, it still hurts me to see other girls writing on his wall or posting pictures with him.” Despite this proclamation, don’t worry ladies: doing any (or all) of the above will definitely help you have the most disastrous breakup ever.

2. Constantly Calling and Texting Him

While you were together, I’m sure you talked to your boyfriend on a daily basis, seemingly about nothing. But once you’re not able to do that, you realize how important it was to you. So what’s the solution? If you want to have a disastrous breakup, it’s continuing to call and text your ex-boyfriend! He’s still interested in what you ate for breakfast, how your exam went, and the relationship drama between your roommate and her boyfriend, right? Wrong! Trust me, he doesn’t care. Yes, he cares about you and hopes that you are doing well, but the relationship is over, which means he will probably ignore the majority of your texts and calls. And really, does that help you get over things? “My ex-girlfriend continued to call and text me a lot after I broke up with her,” says Payam, a student at the University of Illinois. “I felt bad because I knew she was hurting, but at the same time it really annoyed me, and it made things much harder for both of us because we couldn’t move on.”  To achieve a horrible breakup, continue to torture yourself by calling and texting him, even though there is absolutely no change in your relationship, which is, of course, broken up.

3. Forcing Your Friends to Choose Sides

Maybe you two go to college together, or even met in high school, but chances are you share at least a few of the same friends. Even if you had a relatively mutual breakup, I doubt you’re excited at the idea of your girl friends hanging out with your ex. “My friend and my ex-boyfriend were really close, so they continued to hang out after we broke up,” says Mallory, a student at Boston College. “I used to stalk her to find out what he was doing, how he was feeling, and if he was hooking up with other girls. It made her think I was using her, and it drove me absolutely insane.” If you want to make sure your breakup is as big of a disaster as possible, force your friends to pick sides, annoy his friends until they choose your side, and use your friends as spies to monitor what he’s doing now that he’s single. Trust me, you’ll be devastated in no time.