I DID A THING: My Mom Feels Like My SO Isn't Good Enough for Me. What Do I Do Now?

I Did A Thing is our weekly advice column where the Her Campus editorial team helps you out when you ruin your own life (hey, we've been there). Email [email protected] for any and everything you need help with. We’ll answer you (anonymously!) on hercampus.com so we can all learn, together. We’ve got your back.

@whodoichoose: So, me and my current boyfriend have been together for about 8 months, and although my mom says she likes him she feels like he’s not good enough for me. She says that whenever he gets paid I should get part of the check – but he’s 21 and in school, and I’m 23. I don’t like asking him because I feel like I’m begging, and my mom is just telling me to call it quits. I don’t know what to do, because I’m very happy in the relationship. Can you help me?

@helpmehc: Having your parents judge your dating choices is always super stressful, trust us, we know. We all want our parents to be proud of the choices we make, and for them to see that we are capable adults. When your parents disapprove your SO, it can really put a strain on either or both relationships. In all of this mess, it's extremely important to think about what you really want and what makes you happy. 

Let's discuss your boyfriend's situation first. What abut his circumstances makes your mom think he owes you money? If you are living together, it is certainly important to make sure you are both equally contributing to the household. In other words, both of you should share the rent, split the various bills and take turns buying groceries and other supplies. This is something that should happen whenever you are living with someone as an adult other than maybe family (though even there you should help out around the house). Is he not paying his fair share? If you don't live together, is he making you pay for every date you go on? If so, maybe it's time to make a change. I, for one, would not be happy carrying the burden of all of these costs alone.

On the other hand, technically, he has no obligation to split his paychecks with you unless you are sharing some big expense together, such as an apartment or a pet. You said that he is still in school, which means I assume a lot of his paycheck goes towards school supplies, tuition or student loans, all of which are very important. Repeat: There is NO obligation for him to split his paychecks with you – just needed to get that across. 

Your mom may be stuck in the past where it was common for men to pay for everything. Have a talk with her, see where her concerns stem from. Don't let money be the deal breaker if you are happy in the relationship, but also don't let your happiness blind you to any underlying issues. Make sure you are both equally contributing to the household (again, if you are sharing one) or splitting anything you do together – and make some changes if you aren't. Hopefully, over time, your mother will come around and trust that you know what's best for you in a relationship. 

Check out more advice from @helpmehc. We've got your back.