By Renee Collett
I’ve always seen my friends go through serious heartbreak over people they’ve dated. I’ve seen how sad they feel and how hard it is for them to stop reminiscing about the “good times” they had with their partner. I’ve seen all of it—just never experienced it. The “relationship,” that is. Have I been heartbroken? Oh, yes. But heartbroken over a guy I barely dated rejecting me.
Complaining to my friends about it seemed embarrassing to me. I’d never even dated this kid officially, so why should I feel sad? But as much as I told myself not to feel sad, I continued to feel like I’d been slapped in the face. It felt like a legitimate heartbreak, or what I imagined that should feel like.
Feeling sad when a guy you barely dated rejects you is completely valid, in my opinion. Just like a break-up, you begin to wonder if you’re the problem. And since you never even got the chance to officially “date,” you think that you’re an even bigger problem. For me, I kept dwelling over the what could’ve been, which made my thoughts spiral into a self-deprecating and saddening cycle.
My infatuation with the idea of dating this guy was so incredibly strong that when things didn’t work out, it felt so real to me. The short time we’d been talking, I had felt my best, like I was hanging out with someone who was probably my soulmate. But I should’ve realized that after months of talking, and him never officially asking me out, that he was perhaps just not right for me.
Despite this, the sadness ensued. And like I said, it was valid. But something that I reminded myself often was that if it were meant to be, it would happen. And since it didn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be. I allowed myself to dwell on the what-ifs and experience my fake heartbreak for quite some time. Who cares if it wasn’t official between us?! It felt real to me, so why should I deny myself own feelings?
You are allowed to feel bad. But remember if he rejects you, he clearly isn’t for you. It’s not easy to deal with, but it’s better to not hide your feelings.