Her Story: I Took Back a Cheater


Complaining about your love life gets pretty old after a while. So instead of burdening my friends or family, I thought it’d be best to talk to my boyfriend about my worries.

“I don’t remember,” my boyfriend would reply. I could see that he didn’t love talking about how he cheated on me, but I didn’t care: I wanted answers. Whenever we’d go to parties together, I found myself getting fiercely angry with him. Seeing him drunk just reminded me of what happened.

Once I got to college, I would go to parties and get drunk, just like any collegiette. But I stayed away from temptation. Even when I would get attention from a cute guy, cheating was the last thing on my mind because I knew I was in a committed relationship. But if I could resist temptation, why didn’t he?

As my suffering continued, I realized that my boyfriend wasn’t the boy who nervously asked me out years before. Instead of praising me, he’d insult me when I told him funny stories about boys flirting with me. Instead of being invested in my every move, he barely cared about my new, collegiette life. He’d still get drunk at school, take questionable pictures with girls, and some girls would even post smiley faces on his Facebook wall. When I confronted him, his inner monster was also released. “You really need to get over what happened,” he once said.

So why did I stick with him? I didn’t want to fail, and I wanted to put the cheating aside: I just wanted to go back to our pre-cheating relationship. And after years of dating the same guy, I was afraid to be single.
Eventually we did break up. Though he claimed he couldn’t deal with the long distance, I have a sneaking suspicion that his ways were making a comeback. Was I upset by the break-up? Sure, but not nearly as much as I thought I would’ve been. After voluntarily being suffocated by betrayal and fear, I was finally free—released from the endless questions and paranoia episodes. And because of that, I was over my ex within a month.

Unfortunately, the relationship brought about a lot of insecurities. When boys showed interest in me at parties, I’d shoot them down in complete disbelief and fear that they, too, would cheat on me if things got serious. When people complimented me, I’d reject their kind words because my boyfriend’s snarky comments made me question myself. It took a while to realize that I did nothing wrong and that there’s nothing wrong with me.
Am I glad that my first boyfriend cheated on me? Of course not. But it happened, and I can’t change that. I followed my heart, and I’ll never regret my decision. It taught me a valuable lesson: I deserve better.
To be honest, I am still afraid to enter another serious relationship. But I’ve been through the worst, so the only way I can go is up. I know that I will find my Prince Charming, but I also know I have to kiss some toads until then. Even if they are cheating toads.
 

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