Shopping for your girlfriend is about as easy as mastering astrophysics… while riding backwards on a rodeo bull. So with that being said, Her Campus is here to help make things just a little easier for you this holiday season with our list of the absolute worst gifts you should definitely not get your girlfriend. Because let’s be honest, her happiness is what decides if you get a lump of coal or not from Santa Claus.
A plant
Nothing says “we’re going the distance” quite like a gift that dies after a week. Seriously now, between watering it, making sure it has enough sun, and giving it some TLC, you might as well just hand her over a baby that she doesn’t want. Why not get her a dozen (okay, two dozen) roses plus a present that will still be there come New Year’s, instead? Collegiettes have enough to worry about aleady!
A vibrator
Looking for a little more excitement in between the sheets? Awesome, who doesn’t like to spice things up every once in a while? But before you go running to the raunchy neighborhood sex toy shop, think twice before picking out a nice new vibrator. Let her get that herself—she definitely isn’t going to see the sentimental factor in it once she unwraps the gift. She might just think you’re trying to send a signal that she’s too uptight.
Weight Watchers subscription
Just don’t do it. Seriously, don’t. It doesn’t matter how often your girlfriend insists she’s fat. Don’t do it.
A vacuum
Hello, it’s 2012. We said goodbye to being trapped in the house all day basically sixty years ago—and we’re not looking to go back this holiday season. So unless she desperately pleaded for you to buy her an appliance, use your Sears gift card on something else. Nothing says “I love you” like a gift that says, “Here’s something to help you do more chores.”
Cash
Does your girlfriend also happen to be a prostitute? Yeah, we didn’t think so either. Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s get down to business. Get your lazy self off the couch, leave your dorm or apartment, and go buy her something! Chivalry may be dead, but a little romance here and there sure isn’t.
Anything you want
She’s quicker than she looks and is bound to figure out that the Heat tickets, Godfather DVD box set, XXL football jersey, or box of condoms aren’t meant for her own personal use and enjoyment. Think again before you buy that special something just for you…
A talking framed picture of yourself
A cute picture of yourself? Sure, she’ll probably take it. A cute picture of yourself in a frame that plays a recording of you saying sweet nothings every fifteen minutes? Well, let’s be honest, it’s a little much and a little (read: lot) creepy.
Gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret
Sure, your girlfriend decked out in this season’s sexiest lingerie will have you drooling, obeying her every command. But let her take the initiative to heat things up in the bedroom. It’s a little too desperate when you’re basically begging her to sex things up.
Nair
Can you say awkward, hairy situation? If she’s got a little more hair than you prefer, just come out and say it—don’t spring the news on her with your present. And hey, you’ve dated a hairy monkey for this long, a few more months won’t kill you?
Knitting set
Unless you’re dating a cougar (and we mean cougar, like 30-years-older cougar) then don’t gift her some yarn and a pair of knitting needles. She’s not looking to retire to the nursing home anytime soon, and unless you want her knitting you a whole new, dorky wardrobe, buy her a stuffed animal instead.