We all know how the story goes: You meet a guy, you two hit it off, and by the end of the night, he gets your number. The next day, he shoots you a text and before you know it, you’ve entered into what is commonly referred to as a “flirtexting” relationship.
For many of today’s collegiettes, flirtexting is often the precursor to officially dating. It’s becoming more and more important to master the art of making a flirty textual impression without being blatantly naughty or straight-up sexting. Check out our guide to make sure you stay on top of your flirtexting game!
Strategize your texts
When beginning a flirtexting relationship, you should know what you want to get out of it. If you’re looking for a boyfriend, don’t say anything that will suggest you’re looking for a booty call (and vice versa).
“Just because it’s sexual doesn’t mean that she’s not a potential girlfriend, but it does give off a vibe,” says Dan Lier from ASK Dan & Mike.
This isn’t to say that there isn’t a time and place for sexting, but if you don’t want to be thought of as just a hook-up, then don’t act like one!
Lier says that it’s best to go for an “upbeat casual vibe.” Try starting a text conversation off with something like, “Hey! How’s your day going?” or “Hey there. What are you up to tonight?”
“Set up meeting times that are in the day and the night,” says Liz*, a collegiette from the University of California at Berkeley. “Don’t just text him to meet up to drink and party.”
Flirtexting is all about having a strategy. If you have a plan, you can usually swing the conversation in whatever direction you want in order to achieve your desired results.
For example, you want him to ask you to dinner? Liz suggests shooting him a text such as “I’m starving and there’s nothing left in my fridge!” to point him in the right direction.
Or if you’d rather not play any games, sometimes it works to just be blunt. “I’ll ask, I’m a straightforward person,” says Mariah*, a student at Virginia State University.
It’s best to know what you want and go for it.
Make him smile
One of the most important aspects of flirtexting (as with any conversation) is to keep things entertaining and an easy way to do this is with humor. Whether it’s sarcasm, teasing or inside jokes, figure out what strikes his funny bone and use it to your advantage.
“I’m pretty big into not being serious, seriously,” says Nick* from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
The majority of guys appreciate a girl with a good sense of humor, so making him laugh is a sure-fire way to keep him coming back for more.
“I flirted with a guy basically the whole summer over text,” says Katherine*, a collegiette at Northwestern University. “We had kind of gotten together at the end of the school year and both of us expected that we would start dating when school started. I would just text him about funny and weird things going on during my day. He’s a hilarious guy, so we would always kind of be in competition to see who could send the funnier text or keep a joke going for the longest.”
But being funny isn’t the only way to show him you’re interested. Occasionally using smiley faces or inserting his name into a text are subtle ways to let him know that you’re into him.
“When you respond make sure you have a nice comeback to whatever is being said,” says Mariah. “Like me and a flirty friend talk and I’ll say ‘Bite me,’ he says ‘Where?’ and I’ll say ‘Wouldn’t you like to know ;).”
Complimenting him every once in a while won’t hurt either, as Nick says, “One time, my friend switched a girl’s contact name in my phone with his number. He told me I was nice and thought I had nicely groomed hair. That was a happy day.”
Although, these texts were sent as a prank, if the girl really had sent them, it definitely would’ve given her a leg up on the competition, right?
Don’t act desperate
Acting like the five-stage clinger is never cute, so it’s essential to establish the right balance between showing interest and acting coy.
“Last week a guy asked me to go to a party with him,” says Summer*, a student at Auburn University. “I actually wanted to go but didn’t want to seem too eager, so I said I was still deciding, but maybe I could be convinced. I wanted to see if he would actually try to persuade me to go or didn’t really care if I went. It worked!”
You can’t act clingy or annoying if you want him to stick around. Make sure you give him some space.
“When a guy texts you, you don’t have to jump and respond like he’s the last man on earth,” says Lier. “Send him a text like ‘Hey, I’m busy right now, but I’ll text you in a few hours.’”
This lets him know that you two’s texting relationship isn’t the only thing going on in your life and puts you in control of who’s waiting on who to send the next text.
If he’s not responding, don’t keep texting him to see why he isn’t. A lot of guys don’t keep their phones with them at all times, so he might just not have seen your text yet.
“When I first started texting him, while we were still at school, I would text him once about something funny and then wait until he responded,” Katherine says. “I never sent him multiple texts before he responded.”
“If it’s a conversation, it’s OK to text multiple times in one day. Usually once a day shows interest, but still isn’t clingy,” Liz says. “But it all depends on the context. If you know him from class and see him every day, it would be clingy to text him every day. If you only know him through a mutual friend and only see him once or twice a week, it makes sense to text him on those days you do not see him.”
Of course you shouldn’t get carried away with playing hard to get, but it never hurts to be a little mysterious! “It’s really not about the amount of messages but what’s in the messages,” Lier explains.
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Be confident
Confidence is key to drawing any guy in. If you act like there’s no reason for a guy to like you, it will be hard for him to find one on his own. Since he’s texting you, assume he’s attracted to you and use it. Just remember that there’s a fine line between confidence and bragging. Be careful not to take it too far.
Liz suggests sending him a text like “You were looking sexy in that outfit today.”
This tells him that you not only find him attractive, but are also secure enough in your relationship with him to say something ballsy.
“Often times in texts, things are misinterpreted. You don’t have to talk about yourself, but it’s just being confident in who you are,” says Lier.
Stick with what works
Once you have a good back-and-forth going, go with the flow. Keep using the things that have seemed to draw him to you in the past.
For instance, our own Real Live College Guy Andy Bensch from San Francisco State University says, “I love it when girls say “hey” with the extra Ys – like a simple convo starter of ‘heyyyy :).’ It gets me every time. It’s just emphasizing the happiness of hearing from you or wanting to talk to you.”
Andy says that it’s also important to remember that guys normally like receiving flirty texts as much as you do. “Never once thought a girl was texting me too much,” Andy says.
“A young lady just texted me asking what our homework was,” Nick says. “I’m planning on our second date being in class on Friday.”
Let your personality shine through
In terms of flirtexting, the most important rule to follow is to just be yourself! It’s a lot easier to say things over text that you would never say in real life.
“Technology has taken a lot of the person out of the mix,” Lier says.
Acting like someone else never ends well. It’s either going to make him stop liking you or make him like a fake version of you. If he does like the fake you, you’ll never be able to keep up that façade once you two start actually hanging out, and who would want to? You want someone who likes you for you, and that starts by acting like yourself via text.
“The reality is that at the end of the day you have to be yourself,” says Lier. “If you’re putting too much thought into being someone you’re not, it’s not going to work out anyways.”
What are your own flirtexting strategies? Leave a comment!