Your Guide to Summer Sexting: Flirty Versus Skanky

Ladies, there is sexting, and there is sexting.  I’m not here to tell you how to talk dirty to the guy you’ve got your heart set on (because really, there are plenty of better venues for that).  I’m here to show you how to send flirty summer texts that will have your boy-toy dying to go to your nine-year-old sister’s pool party just so he can see you in a bikini.  I’ll refer you to the experts in this field of “flirtexting”—Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz of—for some ground rules.  Check out this YouTube vid where Debra and Olivia explain the three T’s of texting (Timing, Thought, and Tone) here

Got it?  Good.  Now let’s move onto the more subtle, stylistic elements of the text. When it comes to tone, think pre-Federline Britney: more “Hit Me Baby One More Time,” less “If You Seek Amy”.  In other words, you want to sound flirty, not skanky.  Here, let me explain:

You’re at the Beach, and You Want Him to Think about You in a Bikini

Flirty: “loving this day at the beach! sun feels great :)”

Skanky: “rubbing sun-tan lotion…all over my body ;)”

The goals of these texts are the same: to get that cutie to picture you in your itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny.  They both accomplish the goal, but one of them screams DESPERATE.  You don’t want him to think you’re trying to be sexy—huge turn-off.  And the wink-face emoticon?  Very rarely is it appropriate or needed.

You’re at the Family Barbecue, and You’re Bored

Flirty: “nothing like juicy watermelon on a hot day!”

Skanky: “we’re taking bets on how much of this hot dog i can get into my mouth!”

For the perfect sweet to sexy ratio, you may throw out one or two “money” words like “juicy” or “hot,” but make sure you don't step into skanky territory. Save the Samantha Jones talk for margarita night with the girls.  Guys may like porn stars, but they don’t want to date one.  Really, when it comes down to it, they don’t.

You’re in the Same Room (At a Party, Whatever)

Flirty: “wanna get ice cream later? i’ll buy:)”

Skanky: “my parents aren’t home…let’s get out of here ;)”

If you’re in a crowded room at a party, sending a flirty text can be a great way to let a guy know you’re up for some one-on-one time later.  What you shouldn’t let a guy know you’re up for (immediately, anyway) is a hook-up.  Let him get caught up thinking about spending more time looking into your eyes…not at your naughty bits.

You’re in a Serious, Committed Relationship with This Guy You’re Texting

Flirty: “your t-shirts are the only thing i like to wear to bed:)”

Skanky: “check out this pic of me in your t-shirt…and nothing else ;)”

If you’re in a relationship, odds are you’ve pilfered somewhere between two and twenty of your guy’s t-shirts, because they really are the softest.  (Insider’s Tip: There is no law against buying your own Men’s Hanes V-Necks at Target, or wherever.  You don’t need a man!)  Anyway, it is perfectly acceptable to thank him for the use of his white tee (and totally cute to do so).  What’s not so cute (or smart) is to send an identifiable, half-naked shot of yourself to your guy.  Getting undressed is much sexier when you are actually together, so save it for one of those times.

Now girls, these are just outlines for what (and what not) to text.  What will really have a boy at your beck-and-text is this: originality.  Debra and Olivia advise it, and so do I.  Think about your inside jokes or funny situations the two of you have been in, even if the only material you have to go on is that you embarrassingly spilled punch on him at a 4th of July bash.  Send a “you have to let me make it up to you… drinks tonight? i promise i’ll get mine with lid:)” text and you’re ready to go.  Now go forth and flirtext!