Cue the sad music, the tearful goodbyes, the lingering questions … ah yes, the end of summer has come, and it’s time to say goodbye to your summer fling. Or is it? Whether you’ve fallen head over heels for one guy or you’ve had multiple summer flings, the end of summer means it’s time to make a choice: to stay together or not to stay together. But if you are a little confused, that’s okay! Her Campus is here to help you decide whether you should leave your fling behind or if you should take the next step. Either way, you’ll be starting fresh for the fall!
Why a Fling Should Stay a Fling
Despite how much fun the two of you have had this summer, you can’t help it if you aren’t interested in pursuing a relationship with your fling after the summer ends. In all honesty, there are often signs and signals as to why your fling should stay a fling … and we’re here to point them out to you, so you know when to leave your fling in the past!
He’s Not a Priority
Yes, you looked forward to seeing him at a mutual friend’s party, and of course you wanted to meet up for lunch on a break from work. But when it comes down to it, you aren’t willing to change your plans for him or to go out of your way to see him. “I liked spending time with my summer fling, but I never tried too hard to make plans with him,” says Melissa, a student at Indiana University. “I knew then that I didn’t want to see him again after summer.” The best part about a summer fling is its convenience. Once you realize you aren’t willing to make sacrifices for the relationship, it’s time to move on.
You’ll Be Apart During the Year
Although you may have fallen for the guy, a maximum of three months together is usually not enough time to develop a strong relationship. Long-distance relationships take time, effort, commitment and a high level of trust. “Don’t expect a relationship with someone on the opposite coast to flourish,” says Natalie Krinsky, a former writer for The Frisky. “Sometimes the greatest thing about a summer romance is it’s fantasy – and sustaining that over the phone, email and Skype … might be a far-fetched fantasy in itself.” After a summer fling, you typically are not ready as a couple for a long-distance relationship – leave your fling a fling.
You Can’t See a Future
Once you really fall for a guy, you start to imagine your future together. Whether it’s football games in September or Christmas with your entire family, you see a place for him in your future and are glad to have him there. “I couldn’t imagine ever seeing my summer fling again after summer,” says Melissa. “There was no way we were going to have a relationship once school started.” If you can’t see past your plans to grab ice cream tomorrow night, then you should end your summer fling.
You’re Not Ready for a Commitment
College relationships are not for everyone. Between classes, jobs, internships and your social life, it is tough to fit in a boyfriend. “Sometimes the beauty of a summer fling is exactly that – its flingy-ness,” says Krinsky. “Something transient doesn’t mean something bad. In fact, it’s pretty sexy.” If you’re looking forward to your freedom upon heading back to school in the fall, then you should probably leave your guy behind.
You Have Nothing in Common
It’s easier to find similarities during the summer – everyone loves laying out by the pool and sleeping in until noon. But if you despise his love for science-fiction movies, and he is annoyed by your seeming obsession with your sorority sisters, then it is probably time to say goodbye to your summer fling.
[pagebreak]
Why a Fling Should Become a Relationship
Every once in awhile, you meet someone, and you “just know” that in some way, it is meant to be. If this sounds like what you have with your summer guy, then it’s possible you should try to turn your fling into a more permanent relationship. To help you decide, we have pointed out few signs that your relationship is ready for the long haul.
You Really Know Each Other
If you have spent a significant amount of time together, you have met each other’s friends and family, and you feel as though you know a lot about him – his likes and dislikes, his values, his goals, etc. – then you may be ready to start a relationship. “Once my summer fling and I had talked about what we wanted out of life and where we had already been, I realized that I wanted him to be my boyfriend,” says Brittany, a student at Florida State University. “Our serious conversations brought us so much closer as a couple.” Once you have the foundation, it’s time to start building the relationship.
You Have Made Plans Together
If you are already counting down the days until the two of you head out on a weekend trip over the Labor Day holiday or until you attend his fraternity’s formal, then it’s clear that you’re hoping to continue your relationship after the summer ends. “I invited my summer fling to visit me at school in September,” says Mal, a student at Boston College. “Once he said yes, I knew we were more than just a fling.” Making plans together shows you are ready to make your fling a permanent thing.
You Are Both Ready
If the two of you are in a place where you’re looking for a relationship – you have been single for a while, you have time to put into a relationship, you are ready for a commitment – then there is a good chance that the time you have spent together this summer is only the beginning of a serious relationship.
You Want to Spend Every Second Together
If you have spent nearly every single day this summer getting to know each other, miss each other the second you part ways and text/call every time you are apart, then you have probably developed a relationship that can move into a long-term thing.
If You Are Going to Be Long-Distance, You Are Willing to Make Sacrifices
If the only option for the two of you after summer ends is a long-distance relationship, you are going to have to make a lot of sacrifices for your relationship. And if you both are ready to make these sacrifices for each other – such as staying in to Skype instead of going out with friends, dealing with high phone bills and leaving school for a weekend to visit each other – then you have more than just a summer fling.
[pagebreak]
How to Turn Your Summer Fling into a Relationship
If you now know that you want your summer fling to be a relationship, keep reading! Her Campus has tips and tricks on how to turn your summer fling into the real thing.
- Tell Him How You Feel: The best way to turn your summer fling into a relationship is to be honest about your feelings. If you want to be with him, be upfront and give him the chance to reciprocate. If he doesn’t, then it wasn’t meant to be, but you don’t have time during the summer to play games – time is running out!
- Make Plans: If you want your fling to be something more, make plans for after the summer. “Don’t sit around and hope your summer fling will magically turn into The One,” says Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! “Plan on taking part in events that you really want to do in the fall months. For some, get an extra ticket. It’ll be a perfect opportunity to invite your summer fling to join.” You’ll both start to see your relationship in a new way once you realize it isn’t just going to last for a limited period of time.
- Play it Cool: While you can make plans, don’t overwhelm him with visions of your future together and declarations of everlasting love. Instead, show him that you can be a great girlfriend – plan fun dates, let him spend time with his buds, be there for him when he needs you – and soon he will want you to be his!
- Don’t Panic: Even though the summer is coming to an end, don’t try to rush a relationship. You may feel as though you want to make the transition into something long-term, but it is possible he still needs time to think it over. Introduce the idea and then back off. It will all work out the way it is supposed to.
How to End Your Summer Fling
If the end of summer is near and you know you don’t want a relationship with your summer fling, then be honest in saying that you enjoyed every second you spent with him this summer, but you are not ready for a relationship. Plan to stay in touch and leave for school as friends.
Whether your summer fling stays a fling or turns into something more, cherish it for what it is: fun! “The best strategy is to enjoy what you have now without focusing too much on the future,” says Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped! All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love With You and Marry “The One” in 3 Years or Less. “Think of your summer romance like you would a vacation: relax and savor every single moment.”
Good luck, collegiettes™!
Sources:
Collegiettes™ from across the country
Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped! All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love With You and Marry “The One” in 3 Years or Less
Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself
Natalie Krinsky, relationship writer
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-a-summer-fling-will-it-last-or-fade-al…
http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/08/6-ways-to-turn-your-summer-…
http://blog.hotelclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/couple_in_hammockl.jpg
http://cdn.thefrisky.com/images/uploads/beach_heart_c.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xauIKHF6j1g/TfUQNX9_sqI/AAAAAAAAAzE/-1BhXvzZ8G…