Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
My question has two parts. If you go home with a guy the first few times you hang out, and you hook up (makeout session and then some, but not sex), will he think less of you or forfeit the idea of dating you? In that case (depending on your answer), how long is appropriate to wait to have sex with a guy you’re not dating (but want to date down the road?) – Not a Sl*t or Trying to Be Seen as One at Northwestern
Okay, so you want to make the right impression on this guy, but you don’t want him to think of you as a tease or anything, right?
Well, let’s tackle this one question at a time. First of all, if you hook up with a dude on the first date but don’t have sex, that won’t necessarily make you look bad. Truthfully, it all hinges on the guy, really. For most of us college guys, having sex on a first date can make us feel like we’ve got the magical touch of Ryan Gosling, but it doesn’t necessarily change our perception of you.
However, there is a certain confusion based on what happens the first few times you hang out. Diving straight into the physical part of the relationship might make him wonder what you’re looking for, but it won’t necessarily rub him the wrong way (no pun intended). If he’s looking for a relationship, he may even want you to hold off on sex for the first date. Personally, when I’m looking for a relationship with a particular woman, I’ll almost want her to hold off for the first few dates, or at least resist at first. If I can see a possible relationship actually going somewhere, I would so much rather connect with someone on a personal level than a physical level, at least for the first date. So, if you can actually see a future with this guy, think about resisting the primal urge at first.
This isn’t to say that your actions on your first time hanging out will dictate the future. If you hold off for a few dates before going all-in on the physical bit, he’ll probably think that you’re genuinely looking for a relationship. However, if you let him hit a home run right away, he might think you’re just into hooking up. See what I mean?
If you’re at all serious about the possibility of dating him at some point, hold off on sex for a little while. Feel him out (not literally) and see if he’s leaning the same way as you in terms of the future. If you’re comfortable with taking it to the next level, I’d say to go for it. There is no standard amount of time for how long you should wait, but I might suggest, a couple of weeks. That way, he’s able to see that you’re not just looking for a hook-up. But afterwards, make sure to acknowledge the hook-up, and still push towards a relationship. After all, he may be confused as to what you want.