Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
I recently mustered up the courage to tell the guy I have a crush on that I like him. I told him that I hoped the feeling was mutual, but if it wasn’t, I hoped we could still be friends. He replied to me (yes, it was via text) saying that the feeling was mutual, and even if it hadn’t been, he still would have wanted to be friends. I said that I was glad to hear that and we started talking about something else. But that’s all that was said. He isn’t much of a texter (he simply doesn’t text a whole lot), and while we both like each other, we’ve never hung out alone before; we’ve been in the same classes, we both play soccer, and we’ve gotten closer this year. We’re both going off to college next year (different colleges, about an hour apart), so I’m afraid that he might not try to get closer to me just to be parted at the end of the summer. Could that be it, though? Why would he tell me he likes me and then not try to hang out with me?
What should I do? Leave it to him to make the first move? Or do guys think it’s okay if the girl tries to initiate a date? Should it be a group date, since we don’t hang out much anyways, or should we just go solo to avoid the hassle of finding a group of people that we’re both comfortable hanging out with? If it is okay for a girl to initiate a date, and, if so, do you have any suggestions? I don’t want to freak him out by first admitting my feelings and then suggesting dates, but summer will be gone before we know it! I also don’t want to make it a super expensive date, so if he tries to pay for the first date (as most guys do), it’s not overwhelming.
Sorry for all the questions; I’m just really confused on what to do! – I Confessed: What Now? in Washburn
OK, let me start off by answering a few of your basic questions. If a guy tells you he likes you, usually he’ll be the one to ask you to hang out or whatever. But, if you don’t feel like waiting for him, I’ve always said that guys love a girl who’s proactive and takes the initiative in the date.
However, before you worry about the dating situation, I think you need to figure out what you’d do if things got serious. Unfortunately, this scenario gets exponentially more complicated by the fact that you’re leaving high school to go to college. College isn’t how it seems in films where “distance isn’t a factor” and “everything will work out.” Even though you guys will only be an hour away from one another, that doesn’t mean you’ll be seeing each another all the time.
Your first semester at school is perhaps the most important of your whole college career. When I went off to college, I had a relationship from high school that still lingered from the summer. It was a huge mistake. You may not realize it now, but all the time you spend on Skype or texting is time that you’re not spending making new friends or meeting new people. Granted, my girlfriend at the time and I split in early October, so I was able to salvage the semester and meet people that I am still very close with today. In case you can’t tell, I’m really against going into college with a relationship–the only exception being if your significant other is attending the same school.
With that being said, I suspect that’s why this guy hasn’t made any moves. The summer is short, and with saying goodbye to friends occupying most of your summer time, it’s even shorter. He may have feelings for you, but simply doesn’t wish to carry baggage into a new chapter in his life. In retrospect, I wish I had done the same.
Unfortunately, your timing seems to be the only thing wrong with this scenario, because whether you like it or not, you’ll move into your new home in the fall and he will do the same. And while you may be close by distance, your new social circles will still pull you in different directions. It may be hard to picture things down the road, but remember that this is supposed to be an exciting time, not one where all you’ll do is worry about keeping up with a relationship you just got in.