Real Live College Guy Sean Discusses: Female Fashion That Baffles Guys

As a Real Live College Guy, I’m used to doling out advice on love in college. However, this week, I’ve been asked to explore female fashion from a guy’s perspective to weed out the truly bizarre from the downright ugly. The bottom line from my research? Women wear weird things.

Rompers

I asked many a bro for their opinion on this (and when I say many, I mean my four college roommates and a few buddies from high school), and some common questions included: Is it a shirt? Is it a dress? It’s like overalls, right? Well, it’s actually none of those. It’s really just a onesie made out of a potato sack. I personally like to think this “article of clothing” came to fruition during a walk of shame. Someone, somewhere, realized that her evening party attire was way too inappropriate for the daytime. In a bind, she found a trash bag, cut holes for her arms and legs and wore it to disguise her evening wardrobe from the judgment of Sunday morning churchgoers. Once she reached her dorm, she looked in the mirror, thought she didn’t look as disheveled as she’d initially imagined and said to herself: “Hey, this would look cute if it was made out of fabric and was tailored to fit.”

God forbid you’re a guy who gets stuck on a date with a girl wearing a romper. Hypothetically, let’s say things go well and she offers to come over to the guy’s place. Things are getting hot and heavy, but the guy will eventually wonder, “How in the world do you take that thing off?” If dressing like an overgrown baby hasn’t turned him off already, he’ll eventually have to ask how to remove it. At this point, the woman will have to squirm her way out of it, much to the amusement of said guy.

Wearing 10,000 Bracelets at Once

I’ll make this short and sweet––why do some women wear as many bracelets as possible? It’s not that it’s particularly ugly, but when you have your wrists wrapped in metal and leather bands it makes me think you came out of Pirates of the Caribbean. It also sounds like you’re wearing handcuffs, because your wrists will jingle with every step you take (unless you’re a belly dancer, in which case, carry on). My friend Zach agrees. “They’re not, like, that hideous, but it is weird when you can hear their jewelry coming before you actually see them walk into the room,” he says.