If you looked up “hopeless romantic” in the dictionary, Real Live College Guy Pat would be standing there smiling and waving back to you. As a college guy himself, Pat has witty opinions on all the stupid situations guys seem to end up in. From relationships, to friends with benefits, to altogether lacks thereof, Real Live College Guy Pat has all your answers and more!
About a year ago, one of my guy friends initiated a drunken DFMO with me. We know each other very well after being on exec of the same group for three years, and are constantly bickering with each other. I was shocked, and even more shocked to find I really liked it. This kept happening almost every time we ended up drunk and at a club together. I care about him a lot and enjoy our witty banter, so the added factor of making out started to really confuse me. Eventually, I just stopped worrying about it since he never brought it up, and let it happen when it happened. I know he knows it happens (he hasn’t been too drunk to remember), but that’s about all we’ve discussed.
Recently, after going almost the whole semester without anything happening, we ended up making out on my couch and migrating to my room, where he proceeded to spend the night. The very next weekend, the same thing happened at his place. Now we’re on Winter Break and I can’t stop thinking about it. Does he like me, or am I just some random hoe? – Muddled at MU Ohio
Muddled,
You’re definitely not some random hoe. It’s difficult to know exactly what he wants because of how long you’ve known each other, how long this on-again off-again relationship has been going on, and the long break in action you had before it recently happened again. There’s obviously some attraction between you two and you clearly have great chemistry since you work well as friends. Because of all this, it’s plausible for me to believe that he wouldn’t just use you. I would hope that you mean more to him than that at this point, at least.
Because this started as a dance floor make-out (DFMO), it seems like he has some hidden feelings for you that he can’t muster up the courage to let out when he’s sober. Despite this being an ongoing thing, he still hasn’t been able to talk about it, so he’s probably afraid to find out what will happen if he does. This may seem confusing because he’s still hooking up with you so you would think by now he’d be able to talk about it. However, he took a risk that first time, it worked, and has continued to work ever since. In a guy’s mind, that’s a simple case of “Why fix what isn’t broken?” Taking another risk trying to “DTR” with you it is actually a lot harder. What if you don’t like him? He doesn’t want to be the one to ruin what you have, make it awkward, and potentially lose not only the hook-up, but the friendship as well.
I think he likes you, but I don’t think he’s going to be the first one to say it. My advice would be to first figure out what you want from him and how you think it is going to affect you two (before you even have a sit-down with him). Do you want a serious commitment or a FWB? Will either of those hurt your friendship or your working relationship in your school group? If so, how? Those are the types of things you’re going to want to consider heading into a conversation with him. Talk to him about it, explain that you’re okay with everything that has happened (and you’ve enjoyed it), but are just wondering if there’s something more, so you’re looking for clarification. You’ll get your answer and figure out where the relationship you two have is headed next, even if that’s just continuing what you’re doing now.