If you looked up “hopeless romantic” in the dictionary, Real Live College Guy Pat would be standing there smiling and waving back to you. From relationships, to friends with benefits, Real Live College Guy Pat has all the answers you’re asking for!
I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month now. He texts me every day, but never initiates anything for us to hang out. Anytime I ask to hang out or get dinner we do. He has never said no to hanging out, but he also still hasn’t even tried to kiss me or touch me (like hold my hand) at all. I feel like I am throwing myself at him and making it too easy for him, because I am the one always initiating. Why is he texting me every day, but not initiating anything? – Pretty Confused at Penn State
Dear Pretty Confused,
Let’s start by looking at the positives: he texts you every day. Do you know how many collegiettes would die to be in your position right now? Also, he is in no rush to get you into bed and get your clothes off. Right off the bat, it sounds like you’ve found yourself an old-fashioned winner. Forget about “making it too easy.” If you have to worry about making a guy chase you to stay interested, he probably isn’t worth dating in the first place! Another awesome thing is that you hang out and get dinner together fairly often, something that wouldn’t happen if there wasn’t any interest between you two at all.
Here’s what you need to ask yourself: How do you act around him? Do you flirt? Do you smile? Do you act like you like him? As an old-fashioned nice guy myself, this is something I struggle with when seeing a new girl. Simply asking him to hang out doesn’t show him that you’re interested, despite the fact that it’s a huge deal to you and probably felt like you were really putting yourself out there. Let me put this simply: guys are dumb. It sounds like this guy could seriously be into you, but is simply unsure of what he should do next. If he isn’t being assertive and initiating something (kissing, dinner, a date, hand holding, etc.) with you, it isn’t just for no reason. Something is stopping him.
Is he shy? Talking to girls and making a move, even one as simple as holding hands, can be very hard for us to do, even when we’re comfortable with you. If he’s shy, this becomes a lot harder for him than an outgoing or ordinary guy would find it. Take a little initiative, start the flirting, and make sure he knows you are into him. How do you act around him? If he isn’t sure how you feel, he isn’t making that move no matter how much he likes you because he’s afraid he’s going to screw up and “make it weird.” Girls do this thing where they think they are sending clear signals to us guys, and we sit there with absolutely no clue what’s going on, much to the frustration of women worldwide. When you think you’re being clear, make it obvious.
Okay collegiettes, while chivalry is great, you can’t expect him to make every move. You’re not Cinderella or Princess Kate. Yes, you deserve to be treated like a princess, but you won’t have thousands of British tabloids scrutinizing you if you push the envelope a bit. PC, you’ve been making the moves so far and it’s gone well to this point. Sure, you don’t have the results you want, but you didn’t make a move and have him freak out or stop talking to you. Sometimes guys just need that extra push.
Ultimately, if you want something, tell him! After a month, you’re at a somewhat make-or-break point in the relationship. If you tell him how you feel and he’s not into it, it’s only been a month so you’re not going to be crushed by a rejection. If he’s into you, getting it out in the open could be the final piece to the puzzle that leads to an awesome relationship.