Real Live College Guy Joel: Your Orientation Flirtation Has Gone MIA

Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.

My school had a two-day orientation over the summer, and this super cute guy and I really hit it off! So I thought. We spent both days with each other constantly until after 4 AM. We talked about everything. He said I’m awesome, pretty, he liked me, and he’s so glad he met me. I made out with him on the second night. I thought we had a real connection. I tried texting him a “what’s up” sort of thing the day after orientation then again a week later, and he never replied either time. It’s been a month now, and I haven’t heard from at all. Is he no longer interested or is there any way I can make it so I still have a chance with this guy when school starts? - Confused at Cal State


Woah woah woah. First change your mindset. “Is there any way I can make it so I still have a chance with this guy when school starts?” You’ve texted him twice and he hasn’t responded. He’s the one who’s had a chance with you, and it looks like he’s blown it. Since you’re an impressionable youth about to journey to college, it’s important that you have the confidence to not let guys treat you like a doormat and realize you’ll have many options once you get to school.

I’m not sure what happened to your perceived connection. My guess would be that orientation signals the beginning of the grand adventure of college, where there are supposedly no rules or responsibilities. The guy you met was probably eager for his first no-strings-attached-hook-up, and he thought you were cute. Flirting and making out with you was just for fun. I don’t think he would have described it as a “real connection,” and I’m not sure you can have a real connection with a guy after knowing him two days. He most likely didn’t take it very seriously and was surprised when you made contact with him. Rather than be polite while showing he wasn’t interested, he just didn’t respond. This was pretty rude; luckily, lots of guys in college are more sensitive.

The way you’ve handled this so far with the texts has been smart. You weren’t afraid to casually initiate something, then tried once again a week later before stopping. I don’t think you’re going to have any trouble attracting guys; you’re in good shape for school. Find that balance where, even though you’re initiating, a guy still needs to demonstrate that he wants to get to know you as a person before you let yourself get your hopes up. Look for a guy who is clearly willing to spend some time getting to know you. Meanwhile, you tried to get something going in a way that was in no way pushy, and this guy ignored you, so don’t try to make contact again. If you run into him at school, don’t glare and ignore him, but also don’t let him hit on you. If he tries to make moves, just nicely say you’re not interested. He had his chance and he blew it. There’s not much else to say.

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