Real Live College Guy Joel: I Hooked Up With My Guy Friend… Now What?

Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male?  Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.

My best guy friend and I were hanging out one night and he asked “Do you ever wonder what it would be like to hook up?” I said yes and, long story short, we wound up hooking up. I never even realized he saw me that way (honestly, I always thought he only saw me as a bro), but I really liked it. Now I want to continue hooking up and maybe even date him. How should I go about doing that? Things aren’t awkward between us, but it just feels like our hook-up never happened! — Wanting More at Washington State

Wanting More,

Erm, sounds awkward to me. You haven’t talked about it since it happened? I think it would be best if the pair of you did discuss what happened, but I doubt this will turn into being anything more than friends.

Guys are great, they really are. They are capable of all sorts of kindness and wisdom. They also think about having sex with pretty much everyone. So even if he did “see you that way,” it just honestly might not mean much. No matter what people say, there are no set zones when it comes to guys and girls; romantic attraction tinges most friendships to some extent. Also, everyone in college likes to explore, and that’s what this guy probably feels the two of you were doing.

It was wrong of him to not work out with you how your friendship would proceed. His behavior clearly indicates he just wants to be friends, but he owes it to you to articulate his perspective. Sit down with him and ask him about how he feels about the situation. It sounds like he’s going to try to be evasive or flippant about the whole thing. Don’t get angry, however he responds. Say that what happened meant something to you and now you’re confused. As I said, I think he’ll just want to be friends. Consider whether you’ll still be able to accept this friendship and maybe take some space from him for a while before you resume contact with him. Try to get a handle on what happened through approaching your friend, then try to learn something about yourself from these new and unexpected feelings.

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