We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
I really like a guy whom I don’t know well. I know that he knows who I am, but we have rarely talked or been able to hang out one-on-one. I get too nervous to talk to him or ask him to hang out or basically do anything, which I know is preventing me from finding out if I have a chance. If a guy is “out of your league,” is there any harm in at least trying to talk to him? I don’t know how to make a move, since I don’t want to be rejected. What can I do? –Lovestruck at La Salle
Lovestruck,
I know exactly what you mean. You see someone across the room and you can’t keep yourself from turning your head to look at him or her every few minutes, but you can’t quite muster up the strength to walk over and talk to that person. You know you should, but you just can’t. I mean, what if that person’s over there with someone else? What if all you get is a dirty look? Worse, what if all you get is a “no”?
And then you hear that line from everyone. You know the line; we’ve all heard it… “What’s the worst that could happen?”
To quote my good friend Chandler Bing, “The worst that could happen? I could die.”
So, what do we do about it? How do we solve this problem?
First, rid yourself of the idea that “no” is going to kill you. Remove yourself of the concept that your life is going to be ruined if someone turns you down. Would it be momentarily painful? Yes, no doubt. Would it be embarrassing? Most definitely, but you can prepare yourself for that.
Second, toss out the whole “out of your league” thing and give yourself more credit. What makes him out of your league? His looks? Those don’t last. His humor? Could be a defense mechanism! The idea of a league existing is elementary. There’s no hierarchy. The world isn’t split up into divisions, you know—this isn’t dating football.
Finally, understand that nerves make us human. It’s totally normal to be nervous about asking someone out, just because of the potential consequences (dates, relationships, sex, breakups, so on and so forth), but you shouldn’t focus on all that. Focus on the now. Focus on walking up to this regular human being who’s definitely within your league, and focus on asking him out for coffee, for lunch, for dinner, for whatever.
You want to take the initiative to ask him out first, and that’s admirable. The power is in your hands. The next time you see him, make your way over and start a conversation. Put the whole “asking him out” thing out of your mind for that moment, and focus on talking to him like a human being instead of this untouchable object. Then, only after you’ve made your connection with him and evened the playing field, you ask him out.
What’s the worst that could happen? He says no and some dude misses a chance at going out with an amazing girl. Bummer for him.