Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.
I’ve been hooking up with the same guy for over a year. We even hung out a couple of times over the summer because we don’t live too far from each other. He’s met a couple of my friends but I’ve only ever met one of his (though others have added me on Facebook). Recently we talked about our fling and he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship but “really likes me” and wanted to be “exclusive”, but it’s been weeks and I still have yet to meet his other roommates and we rarely talk in public. It seems like the only time we’re dating is on the weekends at night. I can’t tell if he’s really sweet and really does like me, or if I’m being played big time. Help? – Weekly Hook-up at Hollins
Weekly,
Your predicament is by far the most baffling situation I’ve been asked to analyze while writing as one of HC’s Real Live College Guys. Hooking up for an entire year is a quite a long hook-up. I would like to believe that in that time, you both would have figured out whether you see each other as long-term material.
Therefore, I’m having trouble gauging where both of you stand. I feel it’s safe to assume you haven’t said the three magic words to each other yet. After all, the two of you aren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend. At the same time, I get a very relationship-y vibe from your description of the situation.
From the looks of it, I wouldn’t put too much hope in this fling of yours becoming the love of your life. If he isn’t ready for a relationship after a year of hooking up, when will he be? He says he really likes you and wants to be exclusive, but I’m not sure what exclusive means if he’s not ready for a relationship.
Maybe he wants to exclusively hook up with you now? But that would imply that he’s been hooking up with other girls this whole time and I’m guessing you are under the impression that he hasn’t been doing that. You say that you’re worried about being played, so that makes me think you are only seeing him and hoping he is only seeing you.
That said, odds are if you were his only romantic interest he would have introduced you to all his close friends by now. Not only that but he would have introduced you as his girlfriend.
Overall, it feels as if you are looking for much more out of this than he is and that doesn’t lend itself towards a happy ending. At this point, it is long overdue for him to ask you to be his girlfriend. In the end, the impression I have is that while the two of you enjoy each other’s company, there just isn’t that spark/toe-curling/head over heels feeling on his side.
So my best guess is he is content with the status quo, and if you want the full relationship you should most definitely look elsewhere.