Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.
The guy I like was sending me mixed signals for a period of time. When I decided to go for it and DTR he said that he “doesn’t want to put himself into a position where he could get hurt or hurt someone else.” Aside from this, his best friend, and another good guy friend of mine, told me that this guy really does like me but thinks things would end badly if we tried anything. How do I get him to wish he hadn’t given up on me? – Perplexed at PSU
Perplexed,
This is a situation that a lot of college guys find themselves in. While they may be taken with one particular girl, they don’t trust themselves to be faithful inside the college hook-up environment.
I hate to break it to you, but if this guy feels this way there is nothing you can do to convince him otherwise. This guy is at a point in his life where he’s not ready to be in an exclusive relationship.
If anything you ought to be appreciative of his honesty. A lot of guys in this situation would try to keep you happy by giving you what you want. But that is asking for heartbreak. Would you rather this guy commit to you and then end up finding out he cheated?
If you guys really like each other, then you should continue to go out on dates and continue being honest with one another. Since the college atmosphere poses a challenge for people to commit, perhaps you two just need to be “unofficial” for a longer period of time before you DTR.
The key here is to continue being honest and open with each other. Too often relationships have problems because neither side clearly communicates their feelings. I hate how often people say they are afraid of being “a stage five clinger” or are afraid of letting their love interest know how they feel. Nobody should ever feel clingy for trying to set up a date with the person they like. And nobody should ever apologize for the level of feelings they have for someone.
Now if it’s too much for you to continue seeing this guy without being official, then you ought to break it off. But if you think you can handle continuing to casually date for the foreseeable future, then no need to stop seeing him just yet. It all boils down to how comfortable you are waiting for something that may or may not happen.