How to Ask Guys Questions Without Seeming Needy

Do you want to stay together after graduation?
Graduation presents a step into the unknown for all of us. Even if you’ve been dating someone for a while, a post-college relationship may not be in your best interest. Before inquiring about your status following graduation, decide if he is actually what you want and if you’re compatible for life after college.  Kim Olver, author of Secrets of Happy Couples, notes, “chemistry and attractiveness isn’t always enough to justify a relationship.” She suggests you decide what you hope to find first. “Knowing what you want and not settling for less can help you say ‘no’ to people who do not meet your criterion.” Once you’ve assessed what you want and where you’ll both be after May, let him know it’s on your mind in a relaxed way. Pete, another senior at Wooster College, says, “don’t make it a big issue. Keep it light,” though we know that is easier said than done.
Although “keeping it light” might be college guy approved, Nakamoto warns that you “don’t let a month go by without some sort of sensory connection.” Phone calls or planned Skype sessions allow long distance to be more intimate than in years past, but inviting him to a party, picnic, or some other sort of event during the summer, advises Nakamoto, will let him know you’d like to see him but won’t force any sort of commitment. Without heavy pressure, he’ll be inclined to consider the possibilities without feeling forced into a long-term relationship.
Fear of the “needy” title should never prevent you from gaining what you want out of your relationship. If something is important to you in your relationship—no matter how causal it may be—stepping up and speaking out will always be worth it. No matter your question, Nakamoto recommends a walk as the ideal spot for these conversations, adding, “walking together is a good way to create unconscious rapport.” With a calm environment and an equally composed proposal, you’re likely to avoid a needy title and gain the information you’re craving. And if he really likes you, he’ll be glad you asked whatever the question is.  Best of luck to you, brave collegiettes.

Steve Nakamoto, author of Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love and contributor
Kim Olver, coach, speaker, and author of Secrets of Happy Couples
College men and women from across the country