Guys' Take On: Girls Who Are Still Virgins

You might think you’re one of the few college women who’s still a virgin, but, the fact is, you’re not alone! We know from HC’s Ultimate College Girl Survey that a lot of you (actually, 43% of you) are virgins. You haven’t hit 40-year-old virgin status yet, so stop stressing or thinking you have to lose it to the next guy you meet. You’ve probably wondered how you’d mention to guys that yes, you are a virgin, and even more importantly, how they might react. Will they treat you differently if they find out you’re a virgin? Do they even want to know this personal information about you? Is it even a big deal to them? You can stop guessing, because we’ve gotten inside the minds of 15 college guys to learn how they feel about virgins and whether or not they’d be okay with your V-card status.

So you’re a virgin. What do guys think about this?

The guys we surveyed were all over the map on this one: 25% think it’s a turn-on, 35% think it’s a turn-off, 20% say it depends on the context (whether it’s a one-night-stand versus a more committed relationship), and 20% say they don’t care at all.

They think it’s a turn-on if it’s a relationship

If it’s something more meaningful like the start of a new relationship or a long-term thing, guys consider a girl’s virginity to be a turn-on. “It means she respects her body and the power of sex,” says Matt*, a senior at the University of Michigan. “From a male perspective, it also keeps you from thinking solely about her in a sexual way because you know it's probably not going to end up with that. Also, the thought of knowing that she hasn't been with any guys makes her much more desirable, at least in my mind.”

Even though some guys might be surprised to discover that you’re still holding on to your V-card, most of them think it is very respectable. “She must be waiting for the right person,” says Garret, a senior at the University of Michigan.

They think it’s a turn-off if it’s just a hook-up

The guys agree that virginity is more of a turn-off if they are just looking to hook up with you because they don’t want things to be awkward in the bedroom and they don’t want to go through the trouble of showing you how it’s done. Some guys get freaked out and think that a girl who is a virgin is either super religious or younger than she looks. “I tend to be a little more careful about what I say around her so that I don't offend her,” Matt* says.

It depends on your age

Steve*, a senior at Boston College, says that age is a factor. “Depends on how old she is,” Steve* says. “At a certain age, you can't help but find someone who's still a virgin to be a bit strange. Even if they're totally normal, you'll find an explanation for why they are the way they are.”

Related: How College Women Talk to Their Friends About Sex

Are guys going to act differently around you if they know you’re a virgin?

Stop worrying because 80% of the guys we surveyed said they wouldn’t act any differently. “I don’t change my behavior based on a girl’s virginity,” says Luke*, a junior at Penn State University.

What about the other 20% of guys? They say they would change up their approach by not rushing into things too quickly. “If it's something that I'm trying to pursue then I would probably change my language and strategy if you will a bit,” says Sean, a senior at Oakland University.

How do guys feel about dating a virgin?

Most guys (70%) are cool with it. “If I really like her then just being able to date her would be enough because if I like her then it’s important to me to support her choices in life,” says Chris*, a sophomore at Florida State University.

When it comes to dating you, guys care more about you as a person than your sexual past, no matter how much action (or lack of action) it's involved. “I would wait until she was ready to do anything. I wouldn't decide not to date her because she's a virgin,” says Mike, a senior at Northeastern University.

Luckily, the guys are excited to explore the non-sex aspects of a relationship with a virgin. “I would actually not mind it at all. Obviously, the girl respects herself and her body, and it means that sex won't be the cornerstone of the relationship,” Matt* says.

On the other hand, 15% of guys are not so keen on the idea and the other 15% say it depends on things like whether or not you are very religious and can’t make decisions for yourself and if you are waiting until marriage (in this case, this 15% would not want to date you). “I feel like it would be a violation of sorts to pursue it,” Sean says.

What about hooking up with a virgin but not having sex?

The guys feel differently on this one—50% are okay with it, 35% have bad feelings about it (if it’s just a casual rendezvous), and 15% say it depends on her feelings.

They’re OK with it

We’re happy to hear that half of the guys surveyed have no problem with hooking up with virgins. For the most part, they feel the same about hooking up with a virgin as they feel about hooking up with a more experienced girl. “It doesn't mean anything, especially if you're only hooking up,” Mike says.

“I definitely would want to make [the hook-up] memorable (in a good way) for her,” says Andrew, a senior at San Francisco State University.

Your sexual status isn’t the only thing that affects whether or not they will hook up with you. “Virginity doesn't matter as much as personality and if she will go nuts after,” says Craig*, a sophomore at Northwestern University.

They’re definitely not OK with it

A lot of guys don’t like the idea of hooking up with a virgin during a casual encounter. Alex, a junior at Eastern Michigan University, says he’s a little more cautious with virgins.

If it’s just a one-time thing, they’d rather not show you the ropes. “I wouldn't prefer to hook-up with a virgin at all,” says Cameron*, a 2010 graduate from San Francisco State University. “It would be frustrating. Again, I don't want to have to teach someone when we only have a limited amount of time together (assuming a casual encounter/one-night stand).”

Sean says he would be confused if he started hooking up with a girl and she didn’t want to take it to the next step.

It depends on her feelings

Some guys say they would feel bad hooking up with a virgin if they had just met her, but they’d be okay with it if they were in some sort of a relationship and could target how the girl was feeling. These guys say they like to put the girl first and make sure she is okay with the situation before going any further.“I would be okay with it as long as she felt comfortable about it,” Matt* says. “She seemingly has her reasons for being a virgin and I wouldn't want to pressure her into anything she didn't want to do.”

Should you tell a guy if you’re a virgin?

Yes, every guy we surveyed wants to know if you’re a virgin! But the guys feel differently about when you should share this information with them.

When to tell him (and when not to)

If sex is in the picture, about 40% of guys want to know prior to the first time. According to our survey, 20% of guys want to know right away no matter what the situation is (hook-up, relationship, etc.), 10% of guys want to know at the start of the relationship, and 15% want to know when the girl feels comfortable telling them. As for the rest, 10% of guys say whenever and 5% of guys say they want to know by the third date.

In a relationship or soon to be relationship

You should tell him sooner rather than later, but only when you are ready. Matt* says he would want to know at the start of a relationship, “so we both are on the same page with where the relationship is going and if sex is in the picture or not.” We found out that guys will still pursue the relationship even if you are a virgin, so don’t obsess over it. “If we are looking to date, tell me on date three. That means I'm interested in you and am willing to get to know you better,” Cameron* says.

Sean suggests letting this information out when it comes up in conversation, “What's the big deal? Not like, hey my name is [Sean], and I'm a virgin.”

If it’s a hook-up

We learned from the guys that if it’s just a hookup, they want to know upfront because they might not want to continue with it. Luke* says if it’s a casual encounter or potential one-night-stand, he wants to know right away so he can move on to someone else who is more experienced. Ouch.

During a make-out session

Based on our survey, this is probably not the best time to share the news with him even though about 40% of guys say they would just ignore it and continue making out with you. “Why would she tell me that? We are just making out. Wait until it's pretty clear we're going to [have sex] before you need to tell me. Or at least until we've established that I want to actually date you... otherwise it's, as she might say, TMI,” says Paul*, a senior at Western Michigan University. Alex says he’d probably be a little freaked out if you spilled the virginity news to him while you were making out but says he’d keep it to himself.

Although the guys might be a little creeped out if you tell them you’re a virgin during the make-out, they do want to know this information so they can respect your boundaries and monitor what making out leads to. “I would appreciate knowing before we were making out, but this would still work because it gives me a heads up that I need to be observant to make sure she is comfortable with everything going on,” Matt* says.

Related: 5 Reasons Why You Might Want to Use Birth Control Even if You've Never Had Sex

How does he feel about taking your V-card?

The guys all agree that they would not want to take a girl’s virginity on a one-night-stand, but they would feel on top of the world if they took their girlfriend’s virginity.

“If it was a drunken hook-up, I would feel terrible that her first time was not as special as it should have been. If I had been dating her for months or years and she decides that it is time I would be very satisfied with taking it because it meant that she chose me after careful consideration,” Matt* says.

Phil agrees, “Fine, if we were dating. Not so fine, if I just brought her home from the bar and was gonna call her a cab in the morning.”

Here’s what else the guys had to say about taking a girl’s virginity:

  • “I would feel like the man! If someone has been holding it for this long, I would feel special for having her choose to give it up to me." –Mike
  • “Kinda weird, just because you now have a lifetime bond.” –Jonathan, Florida A&M University
  • “If she is ready, I have no problem with it.” –Dereck, American River College
  • “It’s up to her how she loses it. If she chooses for it to be with me, I would be happy and somewhat nervous, but mostly happy about it.” –Kirk
  • “Depends on how well I know her.” –Alex
  • “Won’t do it. My #1 rule.” –Sean
  • “Well, that means I just had sex, so pretty damn good.” –Garret

The bottom line is this: don’t worry if you’re still a virgin, because it’s no big deal. He might feel weird about casually hooking up with you because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but if he really likes you, he will give the relationship a shot—whether you’re a virgin or not. Next time you’re in an awkward situation wondering if you should tell him you’re still a virgin, consult our guide to see how he might react. Just whatever you do, don’t whisper the word “virgin” in his ear mid-hook-up!