Got a burning love life q? Consult our Real Live College Guy (he also goes by Chase). Each month, our RLCG will take you inside the college guy’s brain to demystify your tricky, sticky, icky love (can you even call it that?) situations.
Ready? Here goes!
1) I was dating this guy for a couple of years- and it was a dream come true. We didn’t really seem to have any problems, but then I caught him cheating. I broke things off immediately, and it’s been over a year and a half since we last spoke, but all of a sudden he keeps trying to get in contact with me. He keeps telling me that he misses me. Do you think there’s any hope for guys breaking their cheating streaks? -Stumped at Stanford
Yikes, this is a tough one. Cheating doesn’t mean something specific with guys. A great philosopher (myself) once said that when guys cheat it’s because of opportunity, while for girls it’s because of relationship dissatisfaction. The key is that when a guy cheats, it is not because he doesn’t like you anymore or because he is some monstrous creature. Stop thinking that a guy is like a girl who would cheat as soon as she gets bored or dissatisfied. Guys think differently. Unconfident guys cheat to receive that boost to their ego; it can be depressing for them to be monogamous if they aren’t used to handling serious relationships. While you may be perfect in every way, given the right opportunity, unconfident guys still love to have a new girl giggle at their stupid jokes and make them feel more wanted. It’s only after cheating that these guys mature and realize what a mistake they’ve made.
Your situation, though, is a little more complicated. Guaranteed, now hear me, guaranteed, if you two really are meant to be and he really loves you for nothing more than you (i.e., not your money, looks, status, convenience), then he won’t cheat again. Be careful though—make sure he isn’t coming back because he feels bad, wants it off his conscience, or now believes “he can’t do any better.” If those are the reasons, he will probably cheat again—and you probably aren’t meant to be. Otherwise, it’s likely he spent the year and a half fooling around and feeling “manly” only to realize what he missed the most… you.
2) I’m a sophomore in college and still a virgin. I’m definitely not waiting ‘til marriage, I just haven’t been in a relationship with someone long enough to get to that point. How long into the relationship do you tell someone you’re a virgin? Do you tell them at all? Also, if you’re hooking up with a guy and want to do “everything but”…what’s the best way to word it without bruising his ego but continuing the hook up? -Unsure at UVA
Truthfully, I don’t think a guy would really care at all if you held out on sex for as long as you want as long as you remain honest and sexual. The first time you sneak off to his room and shirts go flying, mention your virginity, but be sure to explain that you’re not overly-Christian and your lady parts aren’t surrounded by barbed wire. Tell him that you are just waiting for the right relationship with the right guy. If he’s not a jerk, he’s going to say he respects your choice and doesn’t really care. Always tell him early though, so he can avoid looking like an idiot by waving a suggestive condom or awkwardly asking if “you’re ready.” An important aspect to every relationship is its sexuality, so that still needs to be present. Instead of telling him you are ok with “everything but” go ahead and start doing “everything but.” It will probably surprise him at first, but he’ll definitely get the idea. He will gladly endure any amount of time, but be sure to tell him when you’re ready (if ever) since he probably won’t want to push you.