By the time Friday night rolls around, you’re probably thinking one of these things: “Do my hair and makeup look ok? Should I clear a path to my bed for my drunk self? Are there going to be any cute guys at this party tonight?” That last question is probably the one you’re most preoccupied with. Parties can be a great place to meet guys, but beware: if you commit one of these party faux pas, you may be turning him off before you have a chance to move forward. Read on for the five relationship party fouls and how to avoid them.
Party Foul 1: You’ve been talking to the same guy all night.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in one guy all night. You find a guy you click with and he’s cute, charming, and nice… why bother chatting up anyone else? Think again. If you’re hanging on him—and only him—all night, there’s a big chance you’re going to come off as either 1) friendless or 2) a clinger. Not cute.
Avoid the problem: Check in with your girlfriends every now and again. They may know something about the guy you’ve just met or maybe they need you to step in to save them from a lame dude. Move around the party and keep your options open. Plus, guys want to work for your attention, so make them work for it!
Damage control: The party’s over… now what? I don’t advocate playing games, but guys are competitive by nature. Make him work for your time. Wait a few minutes before texting him back. Don’t cancel prior plans to hang out with him; suggest another time. And if you’re not getting a good vibe? Move on. Shannon*, a junior at the University of Michigan, explains, “I met a ‘nice guy’ during welcome week this year and stayed with him for the remainder of the night. It resulted in a nice night of conversation, a party partner, some text exchanges, and a few meaningless hook-ups. But then when I tried to text him a few weeks later, he didn’t respond. I eventually gave it up and deleted his number.”
Party Foul 2: You got too drunk and are getting tons of attention… in all the wrong ways.
Alcohol can be fun. It lowers inhibitions, makes us tell the truth, and encourages us to do things we wouldn’t otherwise do. We all know the saying, though: too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Like when you’re getting so many drinks you can’t see straight, but you’re pretty sure boys are looking south of your face. If you’re looking to have a good time for one night only, by all means, keep doing what you’re doing (safely!). But if you’re looking for more commitment, watch out: if you’re so drunk you’re throwing yourself at any guy, you’ll come off as someone who can’t (or won’t) commit.
Avoid the problem: Give yourself an alcohol limit. If you’re worried you won’t be able to enforce it, employ a friend to hold you accountable. Sick of getting the wrong kind of attention? Meet up with the group you came with. They’ll provide a buffer between you and the big spenders who are “generously” buying you all these drinks.
Damage control: If the boy is contacting you in the days that follow, make your intentions clear. If you’re looking for something more serious, steer the conversation toward hanging out sans alcohol (at least at the beginning of the night). If you don’t feel like dealing with the guy, you have two options: 1) simply don’t text him back—he’ll eventually get the hint—or 2) be honest and say something like, “When we met, it wasn’t my finest moment, but that’s not the kind of girl I am.” (Because it’s not!)
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Party Foul 3: You were talking to a guy all night, but got separated before you could get his number.
“I was out for my roommate’s birthday and I was talking to this really cute guy,” says Jeanine*, a collegiette. “We were having a really good time but then when everyone headed out for the club, we got separated and I didn’t see him at the club until the end of the night when he left.” Bummer!
Avoid the problem: It’s no fun to go home without the number of a guy you click with. But because you’re not spending the whole night with him (remember Party Foul #1?), reference something from your conversation before walking away. Try saying something like, “I have to go check on my friend, but we should totally try that restaurant downtown sometime! Let me add you to my phone so we can figure out a time to go.” Too forward? Let a friend know you’re interested and have her go talk to him. It may sound a little middle school-ish, but it’s a not-so-obvious tactic that gets the job done. That’s what wingwomen are for, right?
Damage control: Channel your inner Kate Beckinsale from Serendipityand don’t let this guy get away! Ask around; maybe one of your friends (or whoever hosted the party) knows him or has his number. If the party wasn’t too big, he was probably a mutual friend of someone who attended. Once you get his number (and you will), don’t be afraid to make the first move! He won’t know you’re interested unless you make it known.
Party Foul 4: You see an ex-boyfriend/ ex-fling/ ex-hook up at a party and decide to tell him how you REALLY feel.
Sometimes it’s nice when alcohol helps you blurt out the truth, if it’s something like “I’ve had a crush on you for a while.” It’s not so nice when alcohol removes the filter between your brain and your mouth, especially when you run into an ex. Lucy*, a sophomore at James Madison University, describes her experience: “The way we ended things was me telling him I liked him and him saying it back but refusing to see me again.” Sometimes it’s better when we keep our thoughts to ourselves. Anytime we drunkenly run into an ex is one of those times.
Avoid the problem: Don’t. Go. Over. There. Remember: things ended for a reason, and if you really need to talk to this guy, the conversation will probably go better if you’re sober and in private. “Party settings and real-world settings are two totally different places,” Lucy says. “Don’t try and get your life straightened out under the influence of alcohol. Parties are much shorter than Monday – Friday work weeks and a temporary high isn’t worth it.”
Damage control: Apologize to your guy. If both of you are up for it, say, “I’d love to talk about the situation when we’re in private. Let me know if this is something you’re interested in.” If he wants to talk, that’s great. If not, give yourselves some time to cool down and try again later. If he still doesn’t want to talk, let it alone and move on.
Party Foul 5: Something happened and you caused a huge dramatic scene, whether it be fighting, crying, screaming, or all of the above.
Have you ever been at a grocery store and seen a screaming, sobbing child and thought, “That’s annoying. Where are this kid’s parents?” It’s obnoxious, right? Same thing can be said for a screaming, sobbing girl at a party. Sure, you might be mad at your guy for catching him kissing another girl—and you have every right to be—but this is between you and your guy. Leave everybody else out of it.
Avoid the problem: Walk away and deal with the situation tomorrow when you’re thinking more clearly. Or pull your guy aside and talk to him in private.
Damage control: Take responsibility for your actions. Thank and/or apologize profusely to anyone who may have helped you the night before. These kinds of things happen, but people will be more willing to forget about it if you own up, apologize, and let it go. Don’t dwell on it!
Have you ever been in one of these situations? How did you recover?