I feel like I used to write more about who I am than I do now, and I think the reason for this is because I actually used to know who I was. Between my friends and my classes and the stress from everything else, college can sometimes make me feel lost, which is ironic considering you’re supposed to find yourself in college. However, I don’t let these moments define me, and you shouldn’t either.
I can list many things I know to be true, and reminding myself of them helps me feel less lost. One thing in particular that I personally like to remind myself of, is that no matter who I end up as, or where I end up, or who I end up with, I will always be a daughter.
What it means to be a daughter is something that can’t fully be explained unless you are one…your brother can’t understand, just like we can’t understand what it’s like to be a son. It means being your mom’s spitting image, and your daddy’s little girl.
Daughterhood is made up of having tea parties and digging in the mud for worms. It means smiling for forced photographs, and seeing them years later when you’re looking through your family photo album.
Daughterhood is pretending to like football just to hang out with your dad, but then rolling your eyes as he says, “I love you” in front of your friends. He forgives you, though, because you’re his daughter and he loves you no matter what.
Daughterhood is also slamming the door in your mothers face as you shouted about how you hated her, and still being forgiven because your mom remembers when she was once a daughter, and she still loves you no matter what.
Daughterhood has years that you think only of yourself—you mindlessly ask your parents for new shows, money for the movies, a ride from here to there—and then forgetting to get them a birthday present.
When you’re about to get your license, daughterhood becomes a grueling screaming match with one parent teaching you to drive, and calmly learning how to parallel park with the other.
Daughterhood quickly becomes sneaking out to meet your friends and kissing boys, to crying to your parents about the boys you’ve kissed who broke your heart, and apologizing for disobeying them—but they aren’t at all mad at you for sneaking around—they’re mad at the boy for breaking your heart.
Daughterhood is pretending not to be sad about leaving home for college, but then calling mom and dad and crying as soon as you’re alone in the dorm for the first time.
Daughterhood is coming home after a year of being at school, and noticing a few new wrinkles on your dads face, and noticing that your mom has been making your favorite dinner dish a little bit differently, which suddenly makes you regret every time you ditched your parents for your friends, and every time you rolled your eyes at them and didn’t say “I love you” back.
Daughterhood is one day realizing how much time has passed, how many defining moments your parents helped you have, and how many times your parents forgave you and loved you unconditionally. It is realizing how amazing they really are.
Daughterhood is being walked down the aisle by your dad, and looking at your mom’s happy tears as she gives you away.
It is recognizing those happy tears from your high school prom, and from your college graduation, and when you moved into your own house for the first time. And, one day you will recognize those happy tears on your own cheeks when you give birth to your own daughter, who you will watch learn herself about what daughterhood really is.
Thank you to my parents for loving me through it all, for giving me a great life, and for teaching me what the meaning of being a daughter is.
I love you, and truly am sorry for my angst-y teenage years.