Whether it was a FWB, boyfriend, or one time hook up, staying friends with an ex can be seen as the impossible. But why does it have to be impossible, especially if you were friends before the breakup? So, I know you’re totally thinking, “But we broke up for a reason.” Okay, in some or most cases, you should never consider being friends again. If he was a scummy d*uchebag, then by all means, kick that trash to the curb! But what if it wasn’t a very messy a breakup or you both ended on mutual terms?
Regardless of the time period, whether it was two months or a few years, why should someone who was once so important to you stop being important? If you are thinking about being friends with an ex S/O, then here are some things to consider before making that decision.
Time
Time really does heal all wounds. Giving yourself time apart to figure out who you are without that person is the first step. Time will help you get over the pain of any heartbreak whether you were in a long-term relationship or you were casual friends with benefits. Let’s face it, the end to any relationship is always at least somewhat painful. So mourning is essential. Take all the time you need. If they want to stay friends they will wait till you feel ready.
Friendship not Relationship
That means no hooking up. If you want to start up a “friendship” in hopes of getting back together, or to start hooking up again, then hunny, you are definitely not ready to be friends with those kinds of intentions floating in your head.
Don’t Cross the Line
Draw out the boundaries and don’t cross them because if you do, you’ll just find yourself back in the relationship you ended in the first place. It’s good to have an open conversation about being friends and what that means to each person. Talk it out; good communication is key to any friendship.
Hanging Out
So your FWB and you decide you’re better off as friends. Going back to hanging out may be a little awkward at first, but hanging out in a group helps to ease the initial tension. Making plans to hang out in public during the day is a better option than meeting late at night for dinner or at a bar for a drink… not exactly a “just friends” situation.
Old Habits
Don’t expect things to be just like they used to be once you’ve decided to stay friends. Falling into old habits of texting and phone calls non-stop will only stir up past emotions and will no doubt cause some heartache. Don’t be offended if you’re not hearing from them all the time. Live your life and don’t wait on them. Maybe it’s a sign that you’re really not meant to be friends after all.
Don’t Bring Up the Past
The past is history and talking about it really won’t do you any good except to make things awkward, especially if you are trying to establish a friendship. Don’t bring up past memories, no matter how badly you want to. Trust me, it’s far better for both of you if you leave the past where it belongs.
Support them
Although you probably wanted terrible things to happen to them after you broke up, being genuinely happy for each other is what friends do. Friendship is based on supporting one another through the good times and the bad. You can’t be each other’s biggest fans if deep down you’re still hoping they get hit with the plague.
If these are all steps you can take and situations you could potentially be comfortable with, then why not take the chance and see if being friends could still work for you. If you still care about someone, and they care about you, then why not be friends with them.