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Molly Longest / Her Campus
Sex + Relationships

If Your Man Won’t Eat You Out, He’s a Little Bitch Boy

There is a disturbingly common trend among girls when they’re talking about sex with their partners. They might be having a great time, the sex is fulfilling… and then there is a huge “but” – he is unwilling to bury his face between their thighs. This wouldn’t be as concerning if the girl was equally unwilling to take a cock down their throat, but nearly all girls who are not being orally pleased are still orally pleasing.

I think this comes down to a societal view that a woman’s sexual pleasure is a by-product, or a happy side effect, of the main intention of intercourse: the man’s sexual pleasure. And that’s all sorts of fucked up. When two people are engaging in a sexual relationship, the objective should be mutual pleasure.

Laurie Mintz, author of “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How to Get It,” researched and coined the term “the orgasm gap.” A 2016 survey by the Archives of Sexual Behaviour found that 95 percent of heterosexual men will always, or nearly always, orgasm during sex. 30 percent fewer women engaging in heterosexual sex can make the same claim. But it isn’t as simple as it’s more difficult to achieve the female orgasm, because women engaging in lesbian sex are reporting higher orgasm rates. This is primarily caused by a lack of attention to the clit (the only human organ whose only purpose is sexual pleasure) as the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy reported that only 18 percent of women are able to achieve orgasm through intercourse alone.

There are men out there who love eating women out, they pride themselves on their ability to sexually satisfy a woman. And these men should be commended; I speak on behalf of women to say that we appreciate them. But also, they’re only doing what they should be doing.

Every girl I’ve spoken to about sex has the desire to be good at it and to make it an enjoyable experience for their partner. Whether that be wearing an incredibly sexy and expensive lingerie set for a man who is wearing ancient and holey Fruit of the Loom briefs, or by hopping in the shower to shave their legs before a booty call (cause god-forbid their bodies look and feel how they’re naturally meant to). And there is a consensus that men enjoy getting their dick sucked, so girls try to suck it well. I remember giggling with my friends as we all “practiced” on a banana and watching “instructional” videos on Pornhub. Can you imagine a world where a man practices his cunnilingus skills on a grapefruit because he wants to do a good job? I can only dream.

When I’ve come across men who don’t eat pussy, the primary reason they give for this habit is that they don’t enjoy it. But, quite frankly, a lot of girls don’t enjoy sucking dick. It can be work, it can leave your throat feeling sore and there are some nasty dicks out there. But a man’s sexual pleasure isn’t viewed as optional, so girls will engage in acts that don’t provide their own gratification.

There are also, and these are the worst, men who think that pussies are gross. They don’t want to put their mouths down there, because a) they don’t find the pussy visually appealing, b) they don’t enjoy the taste of the pussy and c) they’re concerned about the smell. Now, if a pussy is giving off an odour that seems like the natural cleansing mechanisms aren’t working how they should be, or things taste aggressively funky, that can be a valid reason. That’s usually a sign that a girl should be visiting their gynecologist and getting screened for a yeast infection, or their diet is not supplementing their vaginal health (pineapples and cranberries for the win). But, for the men who just think that pussies are inherently gross? Bitch boys, the lot of them.

I will acknowledge that men probably get the brunt of genital shaming, which isn’t okay either (yes, making fun of someone for having a small dick is just as bad as making fun of a girl for being fat or for being flat-chested), but a lot of girls are insecure about their pussy. I was watching an episode of Goop Lab that explored how women feel about their pussies, and honestly, it was super relatable. Most porn stars will have had labiaplasties, a surgery to make their lips smaller and symmetrical, and obviously porn provides no inference on the taste and smell of pussies. So, for men who have learned about sex through porn, they are learning about sexual pleasure through a medium catered to their fantasies. And actual sex is awesome because it is reality, but many girls still feel like they need to measure up to the fantasy.

For a guy to imply through his words and actions that a pussy isn’t enticing just feeds that cycle of insecurity and shame surrounding women as sexual beings. We are worthy of our own desires and our own gratification, even if it’s through activities that don’t immediately bring the man his own gratification. We get it, licking our clit isn’t going to make a man nut (I’d actually be SHOOK if it did), but our clits are still worthy of attention.

If you have a man who isn’t jumping out of the gate to gobble that cunt, the first step is to let him know that that’s something you want, or potentially need to find the sexual experience pleasurable. If he is still reluctant or refusing to go down on you, that’s when it’s time to call him on his bullshit. At the end of the day, if a man is refusing to eat you out, he is forfeiting any expectation to get his dick sucked and that’s something you should make clear to him. If we can fight for equality in every other facet of our lives, it is imperative that we do not neglect sexual equality.

Her Campus at Wilfrid Laurier University
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