“I’m Back! Oh hey, remember me?”
Wearing my new Vietnamese garb, I felt like a superstar coming down those escalator stairs. I was ecstatic to be home and see mom’s smiling face after spending year abroad in Cairo and Vietnam. Returning from abroad came with a whole new set of adjustments. During the summer, I refused to pay more than $5 for most things, always ranting about how far it could go elsewhere. I had to get used to sidewalks again and I couldn’t even stomach my first burger! However, with the help and sarcasm of my friends and family, by the time school was around the corner, I felt like a born again American. I was eating Burger King, attending environmental hearings, and had gotten just about all caught up on Jersey Shore and Human Planet.
Just when I was “adjusted”, there was college. DUN DUN DUN! Holy crap I’m a senior! Suddenly, I have all of these options. I could apply for a post grad scholarship or fellowship, I could take a year off and travel with my boyfriend (with no money, we could probably make it as far as New York!), I could go to grad school, which means GRE prep, I could go to law school, which means LSAT prep (how much are those classes again?) I could work in some imaginary place that I have yet to discover, or I could hide under my desk until graduation.
This isn’t even all of it, if you could believe it. Being abroad for a year also has its social repercussions on campus. I don’t know anyone! And the worst part, no one knows me. All of my hard work, the accomplishments I’ve made, the budding friendships I left behind, feel almost completely irrelevant. In theory, I’m starting all over again.
To be honest, it seems unfair. I feel so caught off guard by this readjustment. In fact, at some times, it feels more stressful than being in another country. In a new place, everything is brand new. There is a novelty to your everyday actions, you are eager to learn more, try new things, and meet new people. But, in an old place, only you are “new.” You are more aware of what makes you upset, you are passionate about new topics that you had no idea about (and your classmates probably still don’t), maybe you have new sense of style, you drink more or you want to change the world. Either way, you are a product of a new experience. On the contrast, most things on campus have probably remained the same, or at least similar to how they were when you left; social groups may have shifted but everyone is still doing the same thing on Friday nights.
It’s a lot to take in. You may want to stay in your room, overcompensate for your anxiety by talking too much, or immerse yourself in your work. I know I have done all of the above at some point or another. I need to feel it to move on, but I also can’t lose sight of what a critical year this is, after all, I worked to get here.
Despite how difficult this transition may be, for reasons you and I may not be able to verbally express, it will get better. Plus chances are, your fellow returning friends are feeling the same way. Talk to them. It really helps not feeling like an alien. One of my good friends encourages me to remain present and take it one day at a time. It forces me to be appreciative of my campus community, my friends, and my family. I have also learned that keeping a to do list as well as a calendar keeps me from sinking into my ice cream. It makes these “choices” and processes of post grad doable and within reach. In addition, I have learned to let go and give myself the time and space I need. I am no longer in every club and have begun to rid myself of FOMO (fear of missing out). This year has to be all about me. In the social sector, it may be like freshman year, but it’s way better! I feel older, wiser, and far more confident in who I am. I know that those dreaded awkward moments will now be far and few in between. Plus, being abroad has taught me how to engage with new people, how to feel comfortable in new and sometimes scary situations. Just try and remember that you’ve got what it takes to finish this year the way you want to. Sheesh, you’ve lived in India, what can’t you do?!