101 Ways To Say No To Sex

With all of the sexual assault allegations in Hollywood involving stars like Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, and Louis CK, the importance of consent is currently at the centre of the media spotlight. As most people know, nothing but a direct, verbal and enthusiastic “yes” can be considered consent; however, sometimes social anxiety or personal fears make saying “no” a challenge. Some people find themselves lacking ideas for how to approach the subject, or what to say to discourage a potential sexual partner other than an outright rejection. While consent is no joke, there is some room to play in our creative reasoning; let’s get people talking about consent! If you’re lacking some inspo in the sex-declining department, this list is for you.

Things to say instead of “No”:

  1. Nope

  2. No thanks

  3. Nah

  4. It’s a no from me

  5. Not in a million years

  6. I’m waiting for marriage

  7. I’m waiting for divorce

  8. If we have sex I’ll become emotionally attached and you don’t want to bring me Starbucks every day do you?

  9. If we have sex, you’ll die. I’m just that good

  10. I’m too invested in my Chopped marathon

  11. Downvoted

  12. Depends, do you have any mayonnaise?

  13. Look! A bear!

  14. Look! Megan Fox!

  15. Look! A woman who might have sex with you!

  16. Look! I’m tired

  17. What’s the password?

  18. You’ll have to book in advance, sorry

  19. I have an important business call

  20. It takes me 15 hours to orgasm and I yell Russian slurs the whole time

  21. I’m allergic

  22. I have a tattoo of a Rubik’s Cube on my back and only have sex with people who can solve it in under 10 seconds

  23. I’m watching Stranger Things season 2

  24. I’m on my period (and not into period sex)

  25. I’m pregnant (and not into pregnancy sex)

  26. Only if you can find me hiding in the Weldon stacks

  27. Sex? More like Tex Mex!! Let’s get food instead

  28. First watch me do the entire choreography from Cats

  29. Gum would be perfection

  30. I only have sex at 3pm on the third Wednesday of the month

  31. I only have sex on the full moon (I’m a werewolf)

  32. Are you talking to me?

  33. The lower half of my body is entirely made of concrete

  34. It’s girls night

  35. It’s boys night

  36. It’s a night that doesn’t include you

  37. I had a premonition this would happen, and it does not end well

  38. I’m storing my wallet in there

  39. There’s a Jonas Brothers concert I just can’t miss

  40. I’m actually flying to Mexico as we speak, sorry

  41. I have a really important piano concert tomorrow

  42. I can only orgasm if you yodel the theme song to Blues Clues

  43. I have an STI

  44. You have an STI

  45. I have a stye in my eye

  46. I’m too busy cleansing my crystals

  47. I don’t own a bed

  48. Let’s stop seeing each other for a while

  49. My friend probably needs me back at the club

  50. Sing the duets to the top 10 most popular musicals with me first

  51. Can we get married afterwards?

  52. Sorry, that table is reserved

  53. I’m into partners who lick every square inch of floor in my bedroom before sex

  54. My roommates are home and want to meet you

  55. Oh, I didn’t realized we were getting engaged, that’s so exciting!

  56. My cat wouldn’t approve

  57. My dog wouldn’t approve

  58. My dad wouldn’t approve

  59. I’m terrified of intimacy

  60. I’m trying to break the world record for the longest someone can go without sex

  61. I like to yell the provincial capitals alphabetically in bed

  62. I have bedbugs and they wouldn’t take kindly to a visitor

  63. Who are you?

  64. My elbows are tired

  65. We JUST had sex last month

  66. Will you give me feedback on my Scooby Doo impression?

  67. I am your father

  68. I’m writing my thesis

  69. I’m writing a review of The Emoji Movie (and it’s favourable)

  70. I’m writing to my long lost brother in Brazil

  71. Sure! For $39.99 you can sign up for my sex aerobics class

  72. … OR we could go to the Spoke

  73. I just need to run a few errands in France first

  74. Only if we can roleplay as a dentist and one of the teeth they’re extracting

  75. I have an early horse race in the morning

  76. I love you

  77. I don’t love you

  78. I’m saving myself for someone shorter

  79. “According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway.”

  80. I have a sleeping addiction, goodnight

  81. I’m considering celibacy

  82. Have you seen videos of birth? Not down, thanks anyway

  83. In this economy?

  84. Your mother and I are getting a divorce

  85. This man opens the bedroom door and you won’t BELIEVE what happens next!

  86. Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

  87. I’m too busy watching videos of soldiers coming home to their dogs

  88. Don’t look down there, trust me

  89. First, solve this cipher

  90. I have to wax my forehead

  91. I’m not on birth control and I’m ovulating 24/7

  92. Don’t make me laugh

  93. Love isn’t just about sex, come on Jared do you think about anything else?!

  94. I have to go to the bathroom

  95. I’m training for the MMA

  96. Your mom is on her way over to hang out

  97. Are you saying you’ll be the Shrek to my Fiona?

  98. If I don’t get this essay done I won’t get into Ivey

  99. Sorry, Friday is board game night

  100. I really have to get going on my tax forms for next year

  101. First let’s marathon the National Treasure movies and then Adam Sandler’s entire filmography!

In all seriousness guys, you shouldn’t need an excuse to get out of sex. If you aren’t feeling it, you have every right to say so—no frills, jokes or TV references required! But if you’re looking for something more surprising or creative, here you go!

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