So, you and your significant other did too much french kissing and now you both have bronchitis and it’s Valentine’s Day? What a cliché! Here is a play by play guide to having a sick, romantic February 14th:

  • 10:00am Wake up with a debilitating cough and apathy for life.
  • 10:05am Go back to sleep “for a minute.”
  • 11:30am Actually wake up.
  • 11:35am Make green tea and apple cinnamon instant oatmeal. This is an important day and you need to keep your strength up! Ideally your partner would have made breakfast for you but he/she is also out sick from all of your dirty french kissing.
  • 12:00pm Get dressed. When you’re ill this means transitioning from flannel pajamas to yoga pants and a t-shirt.  Maybe wear a red or pink shirt to feel festive, but you don't have to and it doesn't matter. No bra? No problem. Comfort and convenience is the #1 priority.
  • 12:15pm Hopefully you got a prescription for Codeine from your doctor and are enjoying double cup love, but if you didn’t, hit up the drug store and load up on NyQuil! One bottle should get you and your partner through the evening cough-free and super loopy.

  • 12:45pm Tape up pictures of your favorite celebrity couples to give your dwelling a romantic aura. Here are some examples to get you started:

  • 1:00pm Nap. (Aren't you glad you're wearing your comfortable sick person outfit?)
  • 5:00pm Wake up to your beloved knocking on the door. 
  • 5:01pm KISSES&HUGGLES&SNUGGLES&COUGHING&SPITTING!!!!111!ily!!
  • 5:06pm Settle into a cuddle puddle and watch Love Story. Every time there is a conflict concerning economic status and love, take a shot of Quil and kiss. Do not apologize for your tears if you start crying. Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
  • 7:30pm Since Love Story is about a poor girl and a rich boy defying social norms and being in love forever (until cancer effs it all up…) you should be sufficiently Quil’d out at this point. This is great since you're going to want to be loose for the next Valentine's Day activity: freestyle love poetry! Take turns standing on the coffee table performing off the cuff soliloquys of seduction and haikus of hottness. Note: Make sure your roommates aren't home because this can get embarrassing/raunchy real fast.
  • 8:25pm Remember to take your antibiotic!
  • 8:30pm Play some Terius Youngdell Nash. You’ll both forget you have bronchitis.
  • 8:45pm “Take it to your room and ____ somebody.” –R.Kelly

Happy *cough* Valen-*cough*-tine's Day!
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