It became painfully clear to me after entering University that I’m not a ‘networking’ person.
I’ve lost track of how many parties or rather, ‘orientations-with-free-stale-food-in-the-corner-pretending-to-be-parties’ types of events I was coerced into attending as a freshman where I clutched a half alive drink and tried to make sense of the whirlwind of names, departments, jobs, credentials and personality quirks raining down on me as loud disco music thundered through the charged atmosphere and I battled through one-on-six conversations where we could barely hear each other speak. By the time we reached person number six, I’d forgotten the names of one through five, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t an event to learn names, but to judge who knew who and piece together an invisible hierarchy just like a puzzle.
At these events, I unwillingly offered myself up on a plate to strangers, hoping that something in my life history would serve to please them and as I guessed, nothing ever did. I come from what’s referred to as a second-world country, I’ve never interned or worked at internationally renowned organizations, I’m not an exchange student from another prestigious institution, my hobbies serve my sole interest, I’m not fluent in multiple languages, I don’t have relationships with famous people in positions of power and as a 19-year-old graduate from an Indian high-school, most people in my life didn’t trust me to collect the right change at the store, let alone give me a research fund. I didn’t (and still don’t) own a business card.
In short, the setting I personally grew up in didn’t introduce me to the intricacies of networking. Or, to be more truthful, I rejected it at every stage of my life.
“You’re thinking of that American college!” some acquaintance exclaimed in delight, “Ohh, I can put you in touch with-”
While they went on to introduce their mother’s business colleague’s sister’s husband’s dog’s cousin three times removed who was apparently on the admission board, I kept a smile pasted on my face and mentally struck off said college from my list. I resolved early on that I wanted to traverse uncharted territory without the insulation (read: meddling) of people I knew, and discover something completely foreign to me and find my way through it all by myself.
To be honest, almost any social encounter (meeting your girlfriend’s parents, getting a referral to another doctor, joining a new class, etc) can count as a networking experience, but here, I refer to the specially planned (I fight the urge to say ‘premeditated’) events or mixers where selected candidates are brought together and made to interact in order to create functional and professional relationships.
So there I was, in a country I’d never step foot in before, with survival level language skills, holding a drink at an international networking party with almost no Japan-centric achievements to speak of, watching new associations blaze into life before me and wondering if starting from zero all over again was really such a good idea in the end. I could have used my culture and nationality to gain membership into an Indian student association or network and worked upwards from there, but once again, using something as personal and unique as my cultural identity as the basis of affiliating myself to a whole group of strangers whose core values I knew nothing about made me uncomfortable. I wanted to naturally evolve into friendships with people around me based on mutual admiration and affection. This is my personal opinion based on past experience with such networks, but I feel that student associations don’t foster such spontaneous relationships, or worse, they tend to be institutions that exclude outsiders and contract with insiders and go against my aim of being a global citizen.
Well-intentioned seniors have told me in no uncertain terms to swallow down my distaste, get some maturity and attend more events to meet ‘useful’ people who could ‘help me out in the future,’ but I refuse (read: I can’t) because their advice made me feel like a slightly intellectual version of a gold-digger. As a stubborn, volatile and solemn person who can’t even fake a smile or stick a compromise, my going to networking parties probably ends up getting me disconnected from most social circles by the end of the evening.
Over time, I’ve realized that this comes with its own advantages.
As an outsider with no obligations to friends who have generously transplanted me into ‘the’ circle, I don’t feel the need to laugh uncomfortably when someone makes a racist joke or look away in uneasiness when they crack an insensitive remark about the LGBT+ community, pretending that all is well. Safely out of the network, I can come down like a storm on the people I can’t tolerate, safe and secure in the knowledge that I can retreat to the company of real friends who will support me when I need it or call me out when I commit my own slip ups.
I want acknowledge here that being able to cut one’s self away from the mainstream network is definitely a privilege, as it means having financial and social support from other sources. Furthermore, it’s a preference and not a moral stance. It’s certainly not a decision that everyone is able to pursue and it is a deeply personal one for me that I would never suggest to others.
I’ve learned the hard way that my getting internships, job opportunities and access to power are definitely challenges that will take up more time and effort because of how I’m structured as an individual but as a student, I resolve to work on building my qualifications and studying longer to make up for what I’m willingly losing out on.
At the end of the day, I just want to be involved in an ethical and stimulating career that lets me fund a middle-class lifestyle so I can be healthy, do some traveling, pursue my hobbies and contribute to society. I believe this to be a common ambition for many.
Does everyone need to network for the rest of their lives to make and keep their dream alive?
However it may go down, I trust that there will always be opportunities for the countless unbearable and uncompromising aspirers out there who have their own skills and values to show the world.
If not?
The world is becoming a more complicated place and in the future, a few niches can always be created.
Photo Credits:
SupportPDX http://www.flickr.com/photos/10845359@N02/6773309988″>PSU Tue Feb 21, 2012 32 via http://photopin.com”>photopin https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)
Rafael Edwards http://www.flickr.com/photos/8741914@N07/11823195995″>en la sala via http://photopin.com”>photopin https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>(license)
Alex-de-Haas http://www.flickr.com/photos/134751177@N08/34046192320″>Festive birthday cake. via http://photopin.com”>photopin https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>(license)