There’s something about fraternity sludge, mind-splitting music and the drool of beer rolling down everyone’s pant leg or dress that is somehow romantic. Perhaps it’s the rhythm and the beat, the harmony between two outfits—Hansel and Gretel as the most interesting and recent example. Or perhaps it is due to a lovely combination of hidden emotions and liquid courage. Regardless of cause, the momentous not-always-remembered event I am describing is the DFMO.
This week I got an interesting question touching on this touchy subject:
“If I DFMO with a guy I know, not just some random dude at a party, should I expect anything out of it? I've DFMO-ed with this one friend of mine a few times the past couple weekends, and we text occasionally, but I have no idea what his intentions are. How do I know if he's interested in actually pursuing me or if I'm just a glorified hookup buddy?”
-Love in this club?
We’ve all been there: you go to a party with a group of friends, everyone starts to fall into the rhythm and before anyone knows it, Joe meets Sheila, Sheila turns around, then Joe and Sheila are one. The dancing is normal, trivial even, but no one foresaw that Joe was actually Joe Hungry Lips and that Sheila was really Sheila Likesa Smackaroo. And what starts off as fingers pointed and friends laughing during the action quickly turns into wondering and confusion the next morning. So, to discern between the pursuer and player, I’ve come up with a few questions to ask yourself that will help you figure out what’s running through your guy’s brain.
Question #1: How drunk was Joe when he became interested in you?
The ideal answer to this question is that he seems interested far before the party starts and the cups flow; however, there is such a thing, a prevalence even, of touchy-feely drunks. Or, to use proper party jargon, we could call them horny drunks. If Joe only gives you attention when sporting a jacket and goggles, he just wants to get up on that thing.
Question #2: Does Joe seem genuinely interested in the text he sends you, or is he just trying to let you know he’ll be around next weekend?
To answer this question, you have to look at content: does he just talk about things you have done together, or does he seem to care about how you are now? Does he passively respond just to be polite, or does he care about what you are saying and respond in a similar manner? Make sure not to overanalyze on petty things such as punctuation. Rather, try and figure out whether he is excited to be texting you or if he is just keeping the window of communication open so you’ll hang out next weekend.
Question #3: Does Joe ever want to hang out in a non-party setting?
If this guy wants to pursue you, he won’t wait until the weekend to do so, provided he has a twig of confidence. Look for the small things. Does he ever stop by your room? Do you study together? Have you been on an unofficial Pit date? These small actions demonstrate his interest in spending time with you, not just your butt and lips. Remember: one day you are study buddies, the next day you are snuggle buddies.
Question #4: Where are Joe’s eyes?
When trying to figure out whether a guy likes you are not, always remember the eye rule: if his eyes are wandering from East to West, he probably doesn’t know where he wants to go, but if he is locked in straight toward you, his intentions are clear enough.
So, ladies, if want to let him win, take your pants off. But if you want to own him, to be the true victor, keep it zipped and sealed. At the end of the day, use discretion. Drink less than he does. Be wary of adventurous hands. If you do these things, you won’t just be a glorified hook up buddy, but a person to be desired and pursued.
Remember to send me questions at firstname.lastname@example.org, and maybe I’ll answer your question next week!