Growing up in a male dominated household, we never really talked about “it.” I mean, I was educated on what sex entailed and how to be safe to avoid STI’s and unwanted pregnancy, and of course- consent. But talking about sex wasn’t a thing, so I had no expectations on what having sex for the first time was supposed to be like. Thankfully not having any expectations led me to not believe in what the movies, tv, or porn tried to portray, but what about other women? I decided to ask the women at VCU what their first time was like, and they spilled all the tea – for science, of course.
Out of a total of 45 responses, 71.1 percent lost their virginity under the age of 18, while 28.9 percent was in between the ages of 18 through 20. 75.6 percent said that they were ‘safe’ while 24.4 percent were not. Last but not least, 66.7 percent said that they did not regret their first time, while 20 percent were indifferent, and 13.3 percent had regrets.
Here’s what a select 15 of them had to say.
“I was 15 (almost 16). It was with my boyfriend at the time, who ended up becoming my long-term boyfriend again. We tried once, I freaked out, haha. We tried again and it was perfectly fine. It’s obviously gotten better, but I wouldn’t say it was bad or felt like we were both super inexperienced. We were in love so it felt right.” – Hannah, senior
“We were both very young, but we were together over two years so we decided it was time to have sex because we both wanted to. We had done everything but sex, so it wasn’t really awkward. He didn’t really know what to do with his dick, and it only lasted like five minutes, but it wasn’t awful.” – Jordyn, freshman
“It was so awkward. I expected fireworks and shit. Like, idk, something magical or some shit. But it was the complete opposite. For one, it wouldn’t even go in all the way. It just hurt too much and I think it was because I was nervous and not relaxed at all. So he’s halfway inside and I tell him to get off me because I needed a break. He looks at me and says, “…well… at least you’re only half a virgin now…” REALLY?! After he finally gets in all the way, we’re just going at it and I remember thinking “so… this is what sex feels like. cool.” So yeah, my first time wasn’t rainbows and butterflies. It was just awkward and more awkward.” – Anonymous, senior
“It was with my boyfriend of about two months. We were 15 and 16, respectively. It was spontaneous, unprotected, but fun. I felt very comfortable with him and it was very short and sweet. We are still together today!” – Madison, senior
“I only answered “eh” above because I’m not sure if it truly was the best time. I had a lot of personal issues going on and I just wanted to escape and feel good and get my mind off of it all and I thought sex could do that! I just feel like I should’ve waited till it could have been for the sake of us and me wanting to do this new beautiful thing not me trying to escape personal problems. But sex is great and beautiful! First times will always be awkward but you remember them no matter what.” – Alexandra, freshman
“It was very intimate, it hurt like a b*tch, but I enjoyed it.” – Jenny, senior
“I can’t stress to you enough how much I didn’t know what I was doing. It was fun though and he was extremely respectful. He asked me so many times if I was comfortable with everything. He knew I was nervous, so he kept complimenting me. It was awesome only because he cared way more about me than what we were doing. The fact is, you need to find a person who you can have fun with. Our actual relationship (like, months later) was horrible so I used to regret it a little bit solely due to the person but I don’t regret the action itself at all. Be knowledgeable…Seriously, google is your friend if you’re shy about the subject (just clear your history after. hah) Also…Awkward doesn’t mean bad it just means it’s something you’re not familiar with yet. Don’t take pointers from movies/TV/porn, you’ll literally never want to have sex again if you think it’s supposed to be like porn. With that said, communication is key and I think that’s what made it so fun. Don’t ever do anything you’re uncomfortable with to please someone you’re with. Sex is SO much fun when it’s with someone you actually like, and someone who cares about what you like. So, have fun, be safe and don’t stress.” – Anonymous, senior
“It hurt, there was no foreplay, and we stopped after the first minute. Nothing like the movies at all.” – Gabby, junior
“I was 17 the first time I had sex. My boyfriend at that time and I talked it through and decided it was something we wanted to experience together. After SEVERAL romantic set ups with failed attempts we finally sealed the deal in his basement on a sleeping bag (why a sleeping bag? Who knows) It was not pleasurable or romantic, but it was definitely a moment to remember. We high fived afterwards.” – Kristen, junior
“My first time was with a person who claimed to be a ‘perfect dom’ (16 y/o me was just discovering the kink community and found a person through okcupid who was nearly 20 and said they wanted to sleep with me, which should’ve been the first warning sign). They never asked if I was okay or felt safe, barely showed me any sort of emotion beyond demanding and hurting me, and did not perform aftercare. They didn’t put condoms on their toys, and they made me feel guilty for being shy and inexperienced (since it was my FIRST F*CKING TIME). For those unaware, aftercare is a gentle time after sex where (in BDSM terms) the Dom is supposed to care for the Sub, get them something to drink, wrap them in a warm blanket, make them feel safe. None of that happened and I went home and cried myself to sleep. Everyone should know that sex, in its variety of formats, should be safe and happy. Both partners should check in on each other and make sure they’re comfortable and feel happy. And most of all, don’t f*cking date minors if you’re 18+. Plain and simple, you will f*ck their life up royally, so don’t pull that sh*t.” Anonymous, freshman.
“It was with my boyfriend of 5 months, it was on Christmas, and we played Cosmic Love by Florence and the machine. We giggled the whole way through p cute tbh” – Jessica, senior
“His parents were in the house and we weren’t allowed to lock the door, I had on a dress, we were like fully clothed and it was just awkward but not terrible” Giuliana, sophomore.
“My so-called boyfriend pressured me into having sex with him. He used my self-doubt to get it from me. This was not okay, now I know that. But I was naive and depressed. I know now what respect and love is, have it before you do anything.” Emily, junior
“I told him, “Let’s just get this over with,” and I was 14.” – Monica, junior.
“It was late at night and super spontaneous. One minute we’re watching tv the next we’re play fighting and then making out. I thought it would end right there but he ended up literally carrying me to his room. It was like a movie until we got to the sex which was far from smooth. There was tons squirming, talking, readjusting, and a bit of pain and awkwardness. The sex was okay but the guy did everything he could to make me feel safe and comfortable so regardless he made the night very sweet.” Leyah, sophomore.