Trigger warning: this article contains content pertaining to sexual assault
I have been sexually assaulted. It took me nearly 11 years to admit that to myself. I used to think that sexual assault only happens when rape occurs or when the person was drunk. I could not accept that I was a part of the 97%. I did not know what was happening, just that I was uncomfortable and did not know why it was happening. This is my story, and I do not claim to know about the feelings or experiences of anyone else involved.
I went to a Christian private school from third grade to seventh grade. The uniforms consisted of knee-length skirts, knee-length socks and button-down shirts. It was a very conservative school that focused on modesty, especially for the girls. The boys were able to get away with a lot more than the girls were. It wasn’t until they started the game that I realized how much.
When I was in third grade, the boys started this game: who could grab the most girls’ butts. The girls were not told about this game, but we soon found out what the objective was after a few days. I wish I could remember the first guy who did it or even the day, but I can’t. I just know from that day on that it happened every day for almost five years.
For the most part, it consisted of the boys from my grade. On occasion, the high school boys would join in and follow it with “You’re really pretty” and “It’s a compliment really.” Not every girl was subject to the high school boys’ advancements. Unfortunately, I was one of their targets. I believe the older boys knew exactly what they were doing and what it meant, especially since this game did not happen amongst the high school girls, as far as I am aware.
When the game first started, I would object and ask them to stop, but they never did. The teachers and the principal knew about it but told us that “boys will be boys.” I did not tell my parents because none of the other adults cared, so why would they? Eventually, I stopped fighting and objecting to their game since I did not see a point. After about a year or so, the girls began to turn on one another.
The girls that received the most attention were the popular girls, and the girls who received less attention envied the popular girls. The only reprieve from this game was staying home from school (which I tried to do every day by feigning a stomach ache) or getting a boyfriend. I eventually got a boyfriend in seventh grade, and I thought I was in the clear like the other girls. The game stopped pertaining to me for a couple of weeks, but soon it started back up again.
The game was nonstop. It happened any time of the day, every day. This behavior became so normal for me that when I transferred to public school, I was surprised that it didn’t happen on such a big scale as I had come to know. The game did not even exist at that school. My experience from my old school skewed everything for me. I associated sexual assault with a boy liking you and became hyper-sexualized at a young age.
I was a child in a Christian private school. My skirts were long and shirts up to my collarbone. I was not asking for it. I was not drunk. I was not out alone at night. It happened in broad daylight with people around. This behavior was taught to one of the boys in my class, and he taught everyone else.
No one is exempt from being a victim of sexual assault. If you or anyone you know need to talk to someone about your/their experiences, there is a hotline for sexual assault victims.