For the past two years, I have been in a relationship with someone who identifies as genderfluid. Genderfluid is a gender identity where someone switches between the two binary genders – male and female. Some people who identify as genderfluid may also experience times where they feel androgynous, which is a combination of masculine and feminine characteristics. I identify as bisexual, which is defined as attraction to two genders, usually male and female. Because of our gender identities and sexualities, I have gotten many questions about my relationship that I would like to answer:
1. What do you call them?
This was a big struggle for me when they first came out to me. Some of my friends suggested the term ‘date mate.’ I thought it was cute for a while, until I got tired of explaining it to everybody. Now I introduce them as my partner to people who know their gender identity. To anyone else, they are my boyfriend.
2. Wouldn’t you be pansexual instead of bisexual?
Pansexuality is defined as attraction to people regardless of gender. Personally, I define bisexuality as attraction to masculinity and femininity. To me, it’s more expression than gender. Because my partner switches between the two on a daily basis, I still consider myself to be bisexual.
3. How do you explain your relationship to other people?
My relationship is no different from any other heterosexual or same-sex relationship. There’s nothing different about us because I am dating someone who identifies as a non-binary gender. Love doesn’t care about gender.
4. When do you tell people about your partner’s gender identity?
It is not my place to tell people. It is up to my partner and them alone to decide whether or not they want to disclose their correct pronouns and name.
5. Who pays for dates?
Considering it’s 2018 and I’m the one with a regular paycheck, I’m usually the one paying.
6. If you’re cis, how can you relate to a genderfluid partner?
There is no way I can fully understand what my partner has been through regarding their gender. To this day, I still don’t fully understand their daily struggles as a non-binary person. The best I can do is stand by them and support them.
7. Has anything about your relationship changed since your partner came out as genderfluid?
Nothing in my relationship has changed because of my partner. They have always been supportive of me and I am eternally grateful for all they have done for me. Understanding that both gender and sexuality and supporting your partner through any sort of self-discovery, no matter your own gender identity and sexuality, are important in maintaining a healthy relationship.
I hope this clears up some of the more common questions I receive.