An Open Letter to the Boy I Fell in Love With While Dating My Boyfriend

To the boy I fell in love with while dating my boyfriend,

Oh, boy. Never in a million, trillion years did I think that anything like this could happen to me. You know as well as anyone that my boy and I have been together for a while, and you certainly knew that I was crazy about him. But that didn’t stop you. TBH, I’m glad it didn’t.

Until you, I never realized how one-sided my relationship was. I didn’t see the clear signs that I was giving everything to him, including my time, support, love and everything in between, when he wasn’t giving nearly anything to me in return. Until you, I never knew how appreciated I could feel. I didn’t think anyone would ever find me attractive again, and I never thought that anyone - especially someone as wonderful as you - would be even the slightest bit interested in me. Until you, I never believed that I could love anyone else.

I adore you. You know this. But, at the same time, we both know that I shouldn’t. We’re (sadly) looking for different things, and while I’m absolutely crazy about you, I can’t shake the idea that our life goals don’t mesh as well as I hoped they would.

Then, there’s that whole issue where I don’t know if you genuinely feel the same about me. We’ve talked about it. You “like” me. But then, you don’t do anything about it? You surprise me. You hold me. You laugh with me. You make me feel so, so good. But is that all there is? You confuse me, I think, more than anything.

If this happened at another time, I think it could really be something. But I’m here, and this is now. And it doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere. Know this, though - I want you more than anything.

And, now, back to the issue at hand; my boyfriend. Yikes. While I am certainly allowed to be with you in ~whichever way I please,~ (I’m not cheating, folks!) that doesn’t shake the intense back-and-forth thoughts and feelings I experience whenever I remember that my boyfriend is still in the picture. For reasons that you know, I really can’t break up with him right now, even though I want to. Completely aside from you, my relationship has been a dumpster fire since day one, and you know that my eagerness to get away from him isn’t your fault. But I can tell that it bothers you, nonetheless. Know this - it is not your fault. It’s not even mine. It’s his. I hope you can find peace with this, just as I have.

Bottom line, though, I want to be with you. And I can tell, I think, that you want to be with me, too. I keep saying that my life is similar to your classic star-crossed lovers tale. We’re great together, and I’m certain that we both know it. But, for reasons out of our control, neither of us can fully commit. It sucks. Badly.

How did we get into this mess? I’m very stressed. But, at the same time, I wouldn’t want to be going through this craziness with anyone but you.

Why are you so wonderful?