Though our beloved childhood fairy tales have never begun with, “…and the princess gave the prince a blowjob,” our modern day fairytale seems to accommodate such a beginning. When we hear, “oh, we started hooking up and it just turned into ‘something’,” we are far from shocked. Rather, this is story has become quite a commonality in our dating culture. However, even with a greater widespread acceptance of casual sex, our definition of what a hookup really is, still remains a little blurry. Is it only considered a hook-up if it’s sex? Or does the term “hook-up” encapsulate much more than sexual intercourse? Urban Dictionary hilariously defines the phenomenon as, “an incredibly ambiguous phrase that drives me absolutely insane when people use it,” only proving that we all seem to be a little confused about what qualifies as an authentic hook-up.
After some brief interviews, I found that everyone seemed to have their own conception of what a hookup really was. Person A, Male, Age 19, said that a hookup could include oral sex, that penetration wasn’t required. However, my second interviewee, Person B, Female, Age 18, stated that “nope, it’s only a hookup if it’s sex for me.” The majority, however, defined the act by “its only a hook-up if it’s with someone you don’t really care about.” But even then, I am not so sure this statement adequately defines all the hook-ups happening out there in the world.
All we can know for sure, however, is that millennials have become rather notorious for our “hook-up culture.” People have even gone as far as declaring millennials as the “hook-up generation.” According to the Huffington Post 2015 study, “45% of millennials in the 2015 study reported they’d had casual sex with someone who wasn’t their boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse in their late teens or 20s, compared to 35% of Gen X at that age. (Data wasn’t available for baby boomers.)” After reading through the results of the study, I wondered if the people around me really were falling into this “culture.” Because of such curiosity, I turned to survey and asked the question “Have you engaged in a hook-up (any sexual behavior without a relationship) in the past month?” My twitter followers, ages 17-22 responded to the survey and the results were rather surprising. Out of the 64 respondents to the survey, 63% answered that “no,” they hadn’t. I would be completely foolish to suggest that this one survey would completely refute all the findings of Huffington Post. Instead, I attributed such a difference to my vastly religious surveying pool.
However, this general survey did not fulfill my curiosity for the intimate details of an actual “hookup.” Because I had no experience of my own with casual sex, I wanted to know the frequency and the motivations of all the hookups happening around me. To satisfy my craving for the dirty details, I interviewed two individuals who were willing to answer the questions that people are few had dared to ask and fewer had dared to answer.
How many sexual partners have you had where the sex was not a part of a monogamous relationship?
Person A (Male, 19): 3
Person B (Female, 18): 6
How many of those sexual partners did you have sex with more than once?
Person A: 1
Person B: 4
Did the majority of these sexual encounters spontaneously lead into sex, or were both parties aware that sex was at stake?
Person A: The majority was we knew what was about to go down.
Person B: All spontaneous.
Were there any hookup partners in which you had any romantic feelings for him/her before the two of you had actually hooked up?
Person A: None
Person B: 5 of the 6
In any of the instances, did the hookup create romantic feelings where there had not been feelings before?
Person A: No
Person B: Sometimes it was just sex, other times it made feelings stronger.
What would you say the major reason for these hookups was? Purely to meet sexual needs? To relieve loneliness/emotional distress? Or an alternate reason?
Person A: Sexual needs is a good way to put it or simply because I could
Person B: It was probably feelings and sexual needs
Did you ever experience a sense of guilt for having these hookups?
Person A: Of course not. Only in Utah would someone feel guilty.
Person B: Nope, never once felt bad about it.
It seems to be that casual sex, which was once a moral dilemma, is now something that is simply part of our relationship culture. Platonic hookups are no longer punishable immoralities, but, at times, just another method of finding our Prince Charmings. Despite my interview results, and the reputation of hookups being motivated by a sexual urge, an unconquerable loneliness, or even boredom, who is to say that genuine love could not sprout from what was, at first, a seemingly casual encounter? It has been reported that more and more millennial hookups are leading to committed monogamous relationships, proving that these one-night-stands are not only reoccurring but hold the potential for a unique fairytale ending. With this in mind, I am here to ask, should we accept this hookup culture with open arms, as something that is simply a part of changing times? Or should retreat back to locking the princesses back in up their towers never to casually sleep with the prince again?