“If you love something, set it free,” we’ve all heard it, yet oddly enough, none of us seem to follow this age-old advice—but why? Despite our “clingy” behaviors and borderline unhealthy obsessions with our significant others, clichés are cliché for a reason, and this particular sentiment may just be the dating advice of the century.
Love: what many view as a partnership, is instead treated as a strange ownership of sorts. If I love you, you are thereby required to make me happy, meet my needs, and adore me. Each “I love you,” an imaginary signature on the dating contract, that signs over our right to decide how we spend our time, who we be-friend, and exactly what we devote our attention to. And most of us happily sign over this piece of our autonomy, because like any negotiation, love provides its fair share of benefits to make up for its sacrifices. But that still doesn’t mean we shouldn’t reflect on these toxic attitudes, and our fervent resistance to setting our partners free, when need be.
While I, of course, realize that letting go of the people and things we love is no easy task, especially when these individuals become our best friends, our support systems, and the “loves of our lives,” we absolutely must acknowledge that romantic relationships cannot, and should not, be your sole source of happiness, emotional stability, and fulfillment. Because at the end of the day, your partner is not your savior, they’re a human being with their own emotional needs, their own flaws, and their own downfalls, downfalls that, unfortunately, may not be compatible with your own shortcomings.
In my own love life, I have recently come to the eye-opening epiphany that perhaps greatest act of love and kindness I could ever show my exes, is to cut ties, realize the toxicity I created in their lives, and let them find love elsewhere. Most importantly, I have learned that I must maintain this perspective, even on the days of missing them, or longing for their presence in my life.
And while “fight for the things you love,” is also a well-circulated cliché, perhaps fighting shouldn’t always be our go-to resolution when it comes to the roadblocks in our relationships. Maybe, just maybe the bravest move we could ever make is be ultimately self-aware, and realize that some issues are beyond fixing. Though it is a hard truth to face, we must accept the possibility that we may just not be the healthiest people for our significant others, past and present.
So if you find yourself desperately clinging to your boyfriend or girlfriend, even at the sight of ever-present suffering on their account, you may not love your partner at all. But have, instead, harbored a destructive obsession, disguised as love. Remember, if you truly love someone, you’ll want them to be happy, whether or not you are the cause of said happiness.