“It was totally mutual,” we tell our friends, family, or anyone too nosy for their own good. Many on the receiving end of that statement will have their doubts. “How mutual was it actually? “ they think. In some instances, the statement that the breakup of a relationship was “totally mutual” is just a cover to make it seem like they weren’t blindsided, and extremely hurt by the destruction of their relationship with their boyfriend/girlfriend. This white lie is universally accepted as reasonable in order to maintain the person’s pride. However, sometimes a breakup really is mutual. While some may think that this is an ideal break-up scenario, I disagree. If the relationship ended amicably, it should have ended much sooner.
A relationship that ends pleasantly with both sides in agreement “that separation is best” seems painless, simple, and drama free. However, with this indifference that comes from being together or apart from our significant other, comes different kinds of regret. Regrets of wasted time and thoughts of the relationship being pointless often flood our minds. Should we have seen the lack of spark that was inevitably in the relationship. Getting to a point where the relationship feels lukewarm, and the breakup does not evoke a lot of emotion often implies that there has been a lack of spark in the relationship for quite a while, perhaps becoming more platonic rather than romantic like it started.
The journey to accepting this is a long and arduous one, especially when a long-term relationship ends “mutually”. My ex-boyfriend dated for a little over two years and he was my best friend for years even before we started dating. You would imagine that the process of removing him from my life shouldn’t have been easy. The initial breakup was completely mutual, and we both knew it was for the best. However, I was terrified of the dreaded fallout. I was surprised as anyone when I found that the breakup was less than the horrific idea I had imagined. Having over a year of retrospection, I realized that the reason I wasn’t left sobbing on the couch cradling a plastic bin of Tollhouse cookie dough binge watching The Office for the fourth time, was obvious. I felt as though I had been doing CPR on my relationship for the past year, was it wrong to feel nothing but relief? Looking back on the mutual ending of our relationship, and the peaceful fallout afterward, it only reaffirmed that it was the right decision, and also that it should have ended much sooner. While dating my ex-boyfriend was filled with happy memories and in a lot of ways shaped me into who I am today, I was filled with regret and thoughts of missed single opportunities. My relationship that had started filled with passion and love, ended as platonic and indifferent. Who wants that as a 20-something year old?
The next time you find yourself in a relationship where you feel the fire dwindling, let yourself wonder if it’s worth finding the spark. Some relationships are just meant to end, and that’s okay. Save yourself some time by putting an end to a relationship that feels half-dead, and you’ll thank yourself later. I’ll even bet you’ll look back and realize how it was for the best.