I have seen A Cinderella Story at least fifteen times, and having graduated from high school and looking back on it now I can officially say that it was basically an hour and thirty five minutes of lies. The truth is, if you’re an average, 5’2” blonde girl who enjoys wearing jeans, Converse sneakers, and t-shirts, this is no guarantee that Chad Michael Murray (or anyone even remotely within his range of hotness) will fall in love with you and kiss you on the football field in the rain. Sorry. And it’s not the only movie that filled my head- and probably the heads of countless other girls- with fraudulence and impossibly high expectations. Take Mean Girls, for example. Aside from the fact that they were obviously all in their twenties, they wore high heels to school! Not once in my four years have I ever seen anyone wearing high heels at school. And where are these so-called “mean girls” who allegedly dominate high school? I have seen packs of stupid girls and slutty girls and girls who think they’re better looking than they actually are, but never have I seen a clique of downright “mean” girls who everyone in the hallways simultaneously turns to look at. Cue the overtly sexual Missy Elliott song.
This paragraph is going to be dedicated to The Lizzie McGuire Movie, probably the single most watched movie of my childhood, next to Mulan. Let’s just start with the fact that Lizzie wasn’t even in high school yet. She looked SO OLD, and her high heeled boots and striped button-downs didn’t do much to assuage this. And what about Paolo? Do we have any reason to believe this supposed seventeen year old wasn’t a rapist? But secretly, in our seven year old hearts, we all wished that we too could be mistaken for an Italian pop star and sing at a cool awards show in a sparkly purple midriff-baring outfit. In defense of this movie, however, I feel obliged to take into account the fact Lizzie got with Gordo in the end. This was probably the only realistic part of the movie (aside from her screwing up the junior high graduation, which is something I feel like I could actually be capable of, if given the opportunity). Call me a pessimist, but it is just more true to life that Lizzie would end up kissing a guy she has to bend down to reach.
Some of you may be thinking “but attractive guys fall in love with me all the time!”. If you this is you then seriously, go away. You are in the minority and this article is not for you. Some of you also may be thinking “this girl is seriously bitter” and you are right. How exactly did I get to be so bitter? I don’t know, but I do know that my little nine-year-old self who used to love watching these movies wasn’t bitter. She just had yet to experience high school in all its unremarkable-ness. And now that I have, I am darn glad that it’s over. Honestly, is this what dreams are made of? College may not be a walk in the park either, but at least the Hollywood somewhat accurately portrays it as the shit show that it truly is.