Falling in love can be one of the most exciting and emotional experiences in your lifetime. Having a Significant Other (or others) can bring joy to your life. It means you’ve found someone that complements your happiness. They make you feel appreciated and, overall, they add positive energy to your life. However, as lovely as we wish relationships to be, they can be complicated in many ways. Serious and consistent issues between the people in a relationship could lead to its demise.
It can be very difficult to acknowledge that your relationship is going downhill. It’s hard to tell yourself: I deserve better. You need to think about how you deserve better in every aspect of your life. It might sound a little mean to put your needs first, but you find the courage to love yourself more deeply.
Is your SO really dedicating attention to you?
Everyone has things to do, and that’s completely normal, especially as college students. Your SO has commitments, errands, and things to do outside the relationship.
Is your partner always putting themself before you? If it seems that everything from the schedule, the daily routines, the job, their studies, activities, going out with friends come before you, your partner could care for you, but you likely aren’t a priority in your partner’s life. The person you commit to should give you a spot in their priorities. You should do the same for that person. It’s not that your SO should drop everything for you, but you must have the mental space to say: “I deserve to be more appreciated, I’m a great person to be around, so why isn’t my partner making time for me?”
If you’re not a priority, then that person shouldn’t be yours either. And, of course, before making any rash decisions, communicate! Your partner might not even know you feel this way.
Do you feel loved?
Some people just aren’t as romantic or poetic as others, that’s true. However, does your SO show you affection on a healthy frequent basis? A person that genuinely and devotedly loves you will show it. Your SO will find a way to demonstrate how much you mean to them. Whether that is through a text message, a little chocolate bar, a smile, a forehead kiss or a reach for your hand.
If you feel insecure about whether your SO loves you or not, you need to talk things out. You should always feel sure about your partner’s feelings towards you and the same goes for your feelings towards your partner. You have to say to yourself: “I deserve to be loved, most ardently. I am a human being worthy of being cherished”.
Make sure that you’re both on the same page of what is each other’s Love Language. You could be into receiving physical affection above all else, but your partner might be more interested in a consistent show of support. Talk to each other and make things clear.
How do your friends and family respond to your SO?
You can’t please everyone, and family members can be very picky and judgmental. When you bring your SO to your family, you want a positive response. You want your partner to win over your parents. Does your partner want to establish a relationship with your family or do they just cast the possibility aside?
If your ultimate goal is to establish yourself with this person and integrate them into the family, there should be a positive and healthy connection between your parents and your SO. You and your partner must have similar values. if family values are necessary to you, they should put in the effort.
Just imagine trying to integrate, into your family, a person that everybody just dislikes. There might be a reason why this rejection is happening. Listen and analyze what’s really going on.
Is your relationship bringing more pain than joy?
Relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. Even the healthiest of couples argue, yet, they argue wisely. Are you constantly unsatisfied with the relationship? It seems that no matter how much you try to solve the same issues; it seems to be stuck in reverse? If your partner is bringing more stress and sadness into your life, it might be time to reconsider. The person next to you, should bring above else, joy into your being. Complications will happen, arguments will occur, but we should measure the level of the argument. Know how to tell if it’s a tiny argument or a deal-breaker:
Related: How to Tell if It’s Just an Argument or the End of Your Relationship
Are you expecting change or is your SO expecting change from you?
Your partner should love you just the way you are, and they should encourage positive growth. You need to mutually help each other become a better version of yourself every day. Now, is your partner trying to change the way you view things, your likes, your style, and the way you express yourself?
Then this person doesn’t want you, they want to create a version of you that only exists in their mind. Also, if you are the one that is trying to change your partner, then you are not satisfied with who they are as a person. Asking for someone to change, to not be themselves, is a horrible thing to ask. It’s better to let that person be or let yourself be, even if it means to do it alone.
Is your partner hurting you?
All types of abuse (Physical, Emotional/Verbal, Sexual, Financial, Digital, Stalking) are a big fat: NO. You need to find help immediately and you are not alone.
This is the sign you’re waiting for.
The issue must be addressed even when it’s emotional pain. Emotional pain is equally as serious as physical abuse and it might even be worse. Its wounds are the hardest ones to heal. The idea is not to persecute your SO, but to show how important it is that your partner respects you and is conscious enough of your feelings and wellbeing. Your SO should NEVER hurt you in any way. A person that hurts you does not love you, period.
What’s making you stay?
It takes courage to realize when a relationship is decaying, you have a history with this person. Yet, clinging to past experiences shouldn’t be a reason to make you stay. It’s in the past, as in, no longer present. Moreover, there’s this common notion that some people think that they won’t find someone like their SO. Why would you want someone like the person who’s not committed to you anymore?
People are afraid of ending up alone, so this fear makes us cling even when everything seems lost. You don’t know what’s going to happen after everything is gone, and this void and uncertainty, scares us, but it shouldn’t. If you’re consistently unsatisfied and unappreciated, it’s time to move on. If you’re begging your partner for attention or pleading them to stay, it should give you all the reasons to leave. You, above else, deserve better.
If you or someone you know is in immediate crisis, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.