Happy Birthday in Heaven

If you’ve ever lost someone you love you know that their birthday rolling around each year can be an emotional time. This is a little bit about my story that I hope it shows you that you aren’t alone with these feelings.

February 6th would have been my mom’s 49th birthday. She passed away when I was young and her birthdays have been hard milestones ever since. The first few years after losing her my dad would pull my brother and I out of school and we would spend the day doing something fun. All she would have wanted was for us was to be happy and be together. As I got older it became more difficult to do this with school, sports and just life in general. So we found other ways to spend her birthday that I still continue to this day. We would do small things throughout the day such as listening to her favorite music or grabbing her favorite tea from Starbucks. These slight nods to her favorite things added in throughout the day made me feel more connected to her even if I had to be focused on other things. It also helped a lot to just sit and share happy memories and stories of her. I have started to see her birthday in a different way through doing these things every year. Although I will admit to still often seeing it as a sad day in which I’m more heavily reminded of how much I miss her, I have also grown to see it as a day to celebrate the wonderful life that she did lead and honor the person that she was.

My mom had such a kind heart and was full of life. She was so loving and generous in everything that she did. She taught me so much about what’s important in life, where happiness should come from and that at the end of the day being a good person is what matters most. I’m so proud to be her daughter as she carried herself with such grace and strength even through her toughest days. I’m grateful to have had an example like her and I strive to be half the person that she was.

She was super involved with both my brother’s life and my own. I speak for both of us when I say we wouldn’t trade the time we did get with her for anything. While it was difficult to learn how to live without her we are so lucky to have the best dad who I know put aside a lot of his own sadness in order to support the two of us and be there for us. I don’t think we could ever thank him enough for that.

2017 marks 10 years without my mom and even though a lot of time has passed I’d be lying if I said that days like her birthday or other anniversaries still don’t sting. However, every year I find myself feeling extra grateful for all the love I still have in my life through my family and friends. The support and kindness they provide me with bring so much light to my life especially on days like today that can sometimes be incredibly hard. It means a lot to hear from them and know that they are thinking of her too. So to all of them thank you for everything. I appreciate you more than you know.

As I have gotten older I have also recognized that my brother and I weren’t the only ones deeply affected by losing her and I know that her birthday is an emotional day for my entire family but specifically my dad who lost his best friend, my nana who lost her youngest child and my mom’s siblings who lost their baby sister. I feel for all of them so much and think of them extra on days like today because I know it’s not easy. If reading this reminded you of someone you love that you lost please know that I’m thinking of you too and hoping this encouraged you to find some happiness even on the hard days.  

 

Happy birthday to the greatest mom I ever could have asked for. I miss you so much and I wish that you were here more than anything in the world.