Embrace Your Inner Beauty

 

Embrace Your Inner Beauty

By: Anonymous

 

      “Beep, Beep, Beep… I quickly jolt out of my deep sleep and scramble to shut my alarm off. I rub my swollen, tired, crying eyes and glance at the clock; it reads 5:45 a.m. subconsciously I desire so badly that I could go back to sleep for many more hours and forget the world, but I have to get up….

     I glance at the timer on the treadmill; 53 minutes; my legs are aching and frail, my stomachs twisting and growling, my head drowned with thoughts. I glimpse at the calories burned; only 800, I push myself with all the little bit of energy I have to keep going. I begin to calculate in my head how much time I need to run to burn a days’ worth of calories off….

     “Ma’am can you hear me?” “What’s your name?” “Have you eaten or drank anything today”?

 I suddenly feel the touch of a hand on my arm, and light shining in under my eye lids. I can feel the stinging pain of a sharp poke in my arm. I hear beeping noises and lots of voices talking around me. I finally get the strength to open my eyes completely and find myself lying fragile, weak and bruised on the ground outside the Whitmore Center surrounded by paramedics…

 

       Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought only negative thoughts about yourself? Do you constantly think about ways to change how you look because you are so unhappy about what you see in the mirror? Do you punish yourself by restricting, binge eating, purging, over exercising, self-harming? Do you ever wish you could just disappear so the feelings of disgust about your appearance and/or prevalent issues in your life would just vanish? Do you constantly compare yourself to other individuals, wishing you looked like them? I write this to tell you that you are NOT ALONE. Unfortunately, this feeling is becoming all too common in today’s time. Many females, as well as males struggle with disordered eating and eating disorders. Its a common misconception that eating disorders develop because someone is simply unhappy with their weight or appearance, but realistically there is a lot of baggage and ground that is being covered up by this unhealthy and often deadly behavior.

    Above I shared a tiny glimpse of my own experience. Freshman year of college I struggled with anorexia and over exercising. The gym was my second home; I went to the gym at least 2 times a day and sometimes 3; I ran insane amounts of miles and burned endless amounts of calories. My meals consisted of very low caloric foods. On a typical day, I was consuming roughly 300-500 calories a day. I remember feeling so weak, helpless, lonely, and depressed and purely energy deprived. It took me almost an entire year to finally admit that I had a problem after multiple scenarios of fainting while leaving the gym. I was disappearing. I was completely oblivious and unaware of what I was doing to my body and health. I suffered many back, hip and leg injuries, of which, I still continue to suffer from. After the scenario that happened above, and after I lost many friends and family from isolation during this miserable time, I finally came out of denial.

The best decision that I have made in my life so far was admitting myself to an inpatient hospital in Boston. Truthfully I can say it was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through but has made me a stronger person today.

     Eating disorders are no joke. They are not to be made fun of, laughed at, or joked around about. They are ALL deadly. They destroy and damage many people’s lives. If you were to take a look around you right now, I guarantee that at least one person that you see struggles with an eating disorder or knows someone close to them that suffers. It’s an endless battle that takes a lot of time and effort to overcome.  In my situation I used food and exercise as a way to control my life because that was the only thing I had the ability to control. I used it as a coping mechanism to cover my past and present feelings about my childhood that had suddenly started to creep up on me. I felt a sort of power and relief by having this control, when in reality I was only killing myself day by day. I was very depressed, anxious, obsessive and compulsive in everything I did. It was consuming my life. It consumed my every waking and sleeping thought. It was ultimately killing me, and I was so selfish and stubborn to realize it.

Everyone is beautiful and unique in their own way. We were all made differently for a reason. We were created to embrace and show off what we were blessed with, not be ashamed of it and find ways to hide it. It was never said that in order to be beautiful you have to weigh less than 100 pounds. There are NO RULES for beauty. You embrace the word and define it how you want, not by what someone else says. 

      

     The media is scary, it has turned our world into a terrifying and judgmental place to survive. I could write a book on what I believe the social media has done to our world, but in short, I encourage you to stray away from the social media, celebrities, magazines, internet, etc. and whatever it may tell you. In the end, these are things and people who are only trying to make money and they themselves are very unhappy and insecure about their lives.

      The scale is also another scary object for many people. It reveals a number. A number of which we give SO much meaning too, but really means nothing, nada, zilch. Who cares what the scale reads! It doesn’t define you. It doesn’t define what your personality is, how beautiful you are, how funny and kind you may be, how successful you’re going to be, etc.; it’s literally a meaningless numerical figure that has absolutely no significance to who you are as a person. 

      My point for writing this is to make you aware of the prevalence of eating disorders and if you struggle with body image and thoughts around food, know that you are not alone. Stay away from those people who make you feel disgusted with yourself. Disregard mirrors and scales at all costs! They don’t reflect exactly who you are. If you, a friend, family member or even a stranger is struggling with an eating disorder, PLEASE reach out for help. Personally, I know how alone you or your friend may feel, but trust me there are tons of people out in this world that care about you and your health, and love you for YOU. There are people out there that want to help you and see you succeed in life like you deserve too. Surround yourself with the people and things that make you feel good about yourself. Go out and do things that you enjoy and make you feel alive and energetic. Be the real you, and never change that because of someone else. NO ONE deserves to struggle and battle with an eating disorder or negative body image. Everyone deserves to live a happy, healthy, real life.