Anna Schultz-Guy With Arm Around Smiling Girl

He’s Just Not That Into You...But He Sent All the Signals

This will be another time making a pit stop from the feelings train onto the rejection platform for me. Being a professional at this point, I will take it upon myself to (or try to) dissect the maze of concrete walls within a man’s mind.

Where it began

When walking into my internship, I knew I would catch feelings. Mainly because I wouldn’t know anyone during my stay and would cling onto any ounce of affection to feel more at home. Boy oh boy, how I know myself at this point. It took some time finding someone I was attracted to. Physically, none of the three guys appealed to me.

Now we get to the tricky part, of the three guys in the group I always thought one liked me. He always seemed to go out of his way to be around me. It made me feel like a sweet safety-net for him, but the only one getting caught in a web of feelings was me. People started seeing his ‘affection’ too, and it just added fuel to the fire. There were odd things about him, too. For example, he would wave like a five-year-old, and he was extremely introverted (the type that makes you feel like he’s planning your demise). And he was hairy—not like a cute Teen Wolf type. However, was I liking him for who he was or because people around me thought there was something there?

I saw the sign, and it opened up my mind

When we’re younger we are always told that when a guy likes you, he’s mean to you to mask his affection. Then we’re told that we have to play hard to get, and if he doesn’t text you back it’s because he’s shy. Well, that’s just nonsense.

I’ve always been an outgoing type of person. I go after what I want and if I don’t get it, it's not the end of the world. Either way, there’s nothing a tub of ice cream and some French fries can’t solve.

After seeing the way he’d practice Spanish with me, which is fair warning to my Latinas out there, just because he tries to speak Spanish doesn’t make him a white version of William Levy. I began to view him in a different light, he’d say he was learning Spanish for me, and at that time I didn’t know how to respond, so I said, “That’s actually a great addition to a resume.” He would ask me if I’d date guys like him, and just the constant back and forth of “OMG does he like me?”

I got tired of not being able to think straight and on one lonesome night, I decided to text him. Initially, after I sent the text a friend of mine stepped to the rescue saying it was a prank. I wanted to get this over with for once and for all. And then, like a scene pulled straight out of a teen movie, I was met with the “I like you, but not like that.”

My heart went “And I oop,” and I could’ve gone off on him. I chose to eat a bowl of French fries and lay in a cuddle circle with my friends instead. I was crying over a guy who I barely liked but was sure liked me. How could I be so emotionally vested in someone who never even liked me to begin with? Well, that’s when I realized any relationship I’ve ever ‘almost’ been a part of has been based on me liking the guy more than they liked me.

To cry or not to cry

It’s hard to move past the face-palm of being rejected, but it's something you’ll eventually have to do. In my situation, after being rejected my friend gave the excuse of “he does like you, but you’re too introverted and assertive of what you want, he must feel intimidated.” And then when a friend came to visit me and proclaimed that this man “was the perfect person” for me I was so confused as to what I did wrong.

The first step in this whole process: You did nothing wrong. I was honest about my feelings, and he was about his. All this time, I attributed his introverted-ness as the reasoning behind the rejection. I thought he was too shy to tell me the truth but in reality, I was too hurt to see it. The truth is: he wasn’t into me.

It’s time for us to stop blaming ourselves for how we act or how we look because a guy doesn’t like us. I’m done wasting my time asking myself what his signs and flirtation meant. It meant nothing to him; it was merely a way for him to pass by time. There’s a great scene in "Sex and the City" with Steve and Miranda where he tells her no one else will ever know what truly went on in their relationship. The truth of the matter is, even if it was not a relationship, I know how he made me feel. The good and the bad made me realize that I shouldn’t change my assertiveness, and that one day when I profess my feelings someone will actually make the bout worthwhile.