I have serious respect for Rapunzel. It’s the grand tradition of fairy tales to craft false expectations for all of us, and Rapunzel – with her ridiculously long, stunning strands – makes long hair seem more glamorous than it really is. Don’t get me wrong; as someone who has hair long enough to touch her butt, I can attest to its greatness when styled properly. However, I also know the struggle that comes with having to maintain long hair day in and day out. Below are the pains, strains and daily distresses that come along with having long hair. I know all of you ladies with luscious long locks can relate.
1. Just about everyone telling you “OMG your hair is so long. You’re so lucky!”
You don’t know the half of it… And no, you cannot touch it. Weirdo.
2. The agony that is leaving your house without a hair tie.
You might as well just quit the day now. Surrender while you can.
3. Your “messy bun” always resembles a small animal nesting on top of your head.
I don’t think this is how it’s supposed to look…
4. Your hair gets caught in everything. Everything.
Zippers, car windows, buttons, scarves, collars, headbands, bag straps… the list lasts for eternity. And curse those stupid plastic chairs at school. RIP to the number of strands of hair I have lost in their evil metal traps.
5. You wonder why you even spent the time making your hair look good if you’re going to be outdoors.
Within seconds of stepping outside, the hours of time you spent styling on your hair have vanished like Houdini. Especially in Florida with the constant humidity, it’s an even better magic act.
6. Long hair and rolled down windows is always a bad idea.
Open window + long hair = catastrophe.
7. The ridiculously exhausting experience that washing your hair becomes once it reaches a certain length.
You have to mentally prepare before every shower. Washing those luscious locks takes a long time, and brushing it out takes even longer.
8. The sheer volume of shampoo and conditioner you go through makes you value every single drop.
The amount of these precious materials you use makes you buy in bulk. Weekly.
9. Having to wait what feels like forever for your hair to dry.
The sun rises and falls; the seasons change; the moon changes phases – but your hair is still wet. It’s a saga.
10. You often wonder how you’re not bald, considering the amount of hair you leave behind.
If you were ever kidnapped, you know the search dogs would be able to find you easily because you would literally leave a trail of hair leading right to your assailant.
11. You know that if you decide to go swimming, there is a 99.9 percent chance you will end up looking like a drowned cat.
And with a dip in the pool comes the one-hour combing session to get the chlorine-filled knots out of your hair.
12. That dress with the beautiful, open back? Yeah. No one can see it.
Your hair covers the entire intricate design… bummer. Your hair overwhelms any fashion statement you try to make; it’s inevitable.
13. Styling your hair takes forever.
You want to use a curling wand? Better carve out at least three hours of your life for that one.
14. The intense arm aches.
From curling, blow drying, straightening or even putting your hair in a bun, your arms get a workout on the daily. At least you have some nicely sculpted biceps.
But hey… long hair, don’t care, am I right?