Anna Schultz-Girl And Guy Couple Laughing With Milkshakes

Why We Need to Be More Accepting of Women Making the First Move

Why is it that in 2019 it is still so rare to hear of women making the first move when it comes to dating men? Even with dating apps like Bumble, where are designed for women to be the first one to message when they get a match, women still feel uncomfortable.

There are many reasons why hetero women feel as if they can’t initiate the first move. A big reason is many people believe women who make the first move must be desperate. If a woman is asking a guy out, it is assumed it is because no guy is asking her out. The negative connotations come from the fact that the woman is taking on the stereotypical “male role” in dating.

Another reason is how women view rejection in comparison to men.  When rejected, men usually do not blame themselves for it. They move on rather quickly and see it as the woman’s loss. We women, on the other hand, tend to blame ourselves in moments of rejection. It makes it more daunting to put yourself out in the field if you are going to immediately feel inadequate if you get shot down.

It is time that these assumptions and fear of rejection changed. Women need to start taking the initiative in asking out guys who catch their fancy, and, as a society, we need to be more supportive of women taking the initiative. Having guys in charge of making the first move too often leads to missed opportunities when they fail to act. So many women I know have had crushes they never acted on, and there is a sense of regret with that.


The women I know who do take the initiative have more fun dating lives, even when their advances are rejected. Also, many male friends of mine have been very open to the idea of women asking them out. It is not easy to have the sole responsibility to ask people out. Dating could be a lot less complicated if women and men took equal responsibility in making the first move. Being forward about what you want is vital in life- if you want to be successful. We can’t just wait around for love to come to us.