We have all had our fair share of meeting someone we think may become our “Prince Charming,” topped off by the guys we slowly start to develop feelings for, who were really just playing a game all along. As we cycle through this array of so-called “men” we learn a LOT. Here I have compiled a few things that I have learned throughout the years that I wish, oh so dearly, I could tell my younger self.
- 1. If You Like A Guy More Than He Likes You (If You Feel This Way Then It Is True), Drop Him.
-
You will save yourself from the humiliation of the unwanted chase. A major reason why the chase is humiliating may be because you are fueling the boy with his ego through your heightened interest. He may then use this to his power to make you feel less. But, in reality, you are not less. So, be direct. If he reciprocates, go for it. If he doesn’t, leave. Take his words for what they are. Be reluctant to sugarcoat how he treats you, for if he isn’t making you feel like a princess, please, be the one that got away instead of the one that was strung along.
But wait, why can guys chase girls then? Who’s to say a girl can’t chase a guy? In my opinion, girls are inspired and pushed into more interest by attention! We love consistent attention and guys know that! Guys know that the more attention they give us, the more interested in them we become. It fuels us in their direction. When guys are given too much attention, it often fuels their ego in the wrong direction, pushing them away rather than towards us. So simply, if you don’t think he’s interested, stop trying. You’ll know when he is. If you have to think twice, sorry, but he’s dipping around multiple lovely ladies at once.
- Inconsistency Is A Red Flag
-
It means he’s not as interested in you as he should be, so he should not be your priority. Don’t sugar coat him, don’t be like, “oh, he’s just busy.” We all make time for what we care about, whether we are aware of it or not. Get rid of that BS. Bring up your standards, and don’t take inconsistency from anyone!
- One Compliment Is Enough To Get Him Hooked
-
Guys die over even just one compliment. I never thought they cared, but the reality, is they are rarely complimented. Try complimenting them on something that is new that they don’t always do. Hopefully they will continue to do that thing because you told them you liked it. Then, if you just give them some subtle attention via eye contact, oh man are they hooked!
- If He’s Playing Games, You Have Two Choices: Beat Him At Them If You Are Willing, Or Drop Him
-
This comes down to preference. Is he worth your energy to play the games and win? Or would you rather spend your time with someone who is consistent, straight-forward and knows what they want? There’s no “being the bigger person” here, make a choice. Be sure to ask yourself: what is the end goal in playing these games back? As long as you are aware of the games you are playing, and you are having fun at the game, then go for it. But if you are really not down for that avenue, drop him.
- Know What You Want Before Getting Invested
-
Do you want a fling, casual dating, long term dating or FWB? Knowing this before interactions heighten is key to protecting yourself and holding onto your power. For example, if you really like a guy you will most likely be consistent and straightforward with him and you would not expect anything less from his part. But, if you’re looking to have some fun here and there, you wouldn’t expect those things and you wouldn’t provide them in return.
- Know Your Worth
-
Be aware of the trap you’re falling into if you find yourself feeling incomplete without him around. Guys are a BONUS, they are not a NECESSITY. So, don’t act as if you are deprived of oxygen if they aren’t always by your side. It’s more like your dessert order got cancelled. Oh well, better for you. Who needs that extra sugar anyways?
- “I’m Busy” Is Code For “I’m Not Interested”
-
The ugly truth. Sorry, but move on to someone who will actually make time for you.
- If You Friendzone Him, He Will Either Be Really Butthurt Or Really Okay With It
-
Some guys will react awfully to your friendzone. Their ego will crumble, they won’t ever speak to you again (even if you are interested in actually staying friends) and they will be afraid to ever initiate plans again. But, you’ll also have your fair share of guys who are confident enough to still want to be friends with you. So, be prepraed for both, and don’t be shocked if he takes a friendzone for a very abrupt break up. Both happen.
- Solve Your Problems Privately, Reflect Publically
-
When dating, whether casually or seriously, it is in your best interest to solve your problems with your partner. Getting several parties involved – your best friend, your best friend’s boyfriend, your other friend, your cousin, your dog – fuels the problem with attention, making it bigger and bigger than it really has to be. Solve your problem privately. The moment others get involved, your true intentions can be blocked off by what others think is best for you, where you know yourself and your partner best, not them. Feel free to reflect publically and to share what you learned and move forward, but try to stick to only your partner (and Reddit) when getting through choppy waters.
- You Can Only Have Dessert Once You’ve Eaten All Of Your Dinner
-
You can only have dessert once you have eaten all of your dinner, and I mean all of it. What am I referring to? The boy is your dessert. He can be sweet, tasty, fun and something to look forward to. But you can’t have this dessert on an empty stomach; you will feel gross and hungry later once you realize you skipped your meal. Who is the meal? Yourself! You can’t turn to a guy when feeling incomplete and unvalidated with yourself. A guy does not complete you, he may be a little bonus. So, be sure you feel complete and full before adding on all that extra. Otherwise, you’ll be left reliant on something that you can’t rely on for long. Seriously, can you just eat dessert for the rest of your life? No. You need that casserole.