Here’s to you, the one I think I’ve fallen for,
There’s so much I want to say to you that remains hidden in subtleties. I’m not allowed to talk about it because I would almost be shunned for it in this season; I might even hate myself a bit for being one of the others right now.
What do I mean when I say, “one of the others?” Well… you clearly don’t see it, but so many people like you or want to fall for you the way I have. It all began with the slightest of touches but then the biggest of gestures you may have seen as minuscule. Here’s the thing: you have done more for me than the friends I have known for years.
You are excruciatingly caring in similar ways that I am, but you search for the type of characteristics in others that I cannot obtain. I don’t fit the stereotype you search for, physically at least. This is where it gets tricky. When falling for another, you sometimes tear yourself apart piece by piece, insecurity by insecurity. It fogs your mind because if you don’t fit that stereotypical look you believe you’re not good enough. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. In my mind, I will never be good enough because I’m not the past few girls you dated; I’m not the cute girl in your class, and I’m not the friend of mine that you find attractive.
This leads me to another dilemma: you project that you feel the same way. There have been borderline romantic moments between where if we continued spending time together, something drastic might happen. You might kiss me and from there I would almost be certain that I am not crazy. In reality, I feel like I’m losing my mind, analyzing what each motion intends and the meaning behind it all.
So… if you’re reading this, I need you to know something. I need you to know that I truly care for you, you are one of my closest friends, and I trust you. I believe I could be right for you but I’ve also diminished the way I see myself. Please try and realize that I’m here, because I’m just waiting to see if you’ll act. If you like me, let me know, and don’t be in fear of what’s to come afterward. Handle your words with more care because my insecurities have now attached themselves to the girls you have described and named which makes me want to change myself entirely… only on occasion.
If you’ve read this, take action. I want to see us further grow as friends and flourish into something more when the time is right (if it ever is). This is all just what makes the most sense to me. An open letter is the easiest form of communication because I can’t lose our relationship based on these emotions forming within me. There’s too much history to lose over my endless overthinking about you.
I say all of this to help myself but also to hope that maybe you’ll hear my voice through these words and understand that it’s me.
Sincerely,
I’m waiting for you.