Prom queen is one of the biggest high school cliches but me, your average girl, in a graduating class of 800 people won somehow. I was really surprised and I had run for prom queen as a complete joke. Even though I had run as a joke, it meant a lot to me when I had actually won because it meant I was special and liked by at least a majority of people, and I had always put myself down for so many years in high school, and for once in my life I actually felt so good about myself. I went to a high school 15 minutes away from the University of Central Florida. A majority of my high school actually attends UCF, since it is cheaper to live at home. With that being said, most of my friends from high school attend UCF. A lot of people deal with their best friends from high school going to different schools, and sometimes the distance can drive them apart.
I hung out with my friends for the first semester, and after that, we all drifted apart and they found their own groups and I was left out. This was always a major problem for me since I was in elementary school, every year or two I had made a best friend but then they would find someone better, join that group and then I would be left out. So my whole life I can’t say I ever had a best friend.
I was the only one of my friends who lived on campus so I had the advantage of being friends with people who lived in my dorm, but even then I felt like everyone was friends with each other and hung out all the time together, and I was just left out again.
Social media did not help the situation either. I saw everyone I knew hanging with each other, making new friends, and I had no new friends. It made me feel like everyone was living the best college life ever. I know social media lies and shows only the good parts of their lives, but I did not have anyone to take a picture with besides my boyfriend who went to Florida State University at the time, my cats, and mom.
As I mentioned I have a boyfriend, and we have been dating since I was in high school so I was not entirely alone. The only problem was that he went to a college four hours away, and we saw each other every four to six weeks. We always talk on the phone, and I’m happy we at least got to see each other at least once a month or so but just not having him to hang out with in person often or go to fun places after school still created a large sense of loneliness for me.
It is also not my fault that I could not make friends, I am not an introvert. I joined clubs, talked to people in my dorm, classes, asked people to hang out. I made friends that I talked to only about my class or only for my club and would never talk to them outside of that.
Don’t get me wrong eating strawberry shortcake ice cream and watching Netflix with my cats on a Saturday night is fun, and having my time is good, but it starts to get lonely once it starts to happen most Saturdays.
The second semester of my freshman year, I felt so alone, and being a biomedical sciences major, everyone was competitive and only cared about being the best of the best, and I just was not a super competitive person which is one of the reasons I changed my major because it was not the right environment for me to be in.
Loneliness can feel like sitting on the sidelines of a dodgeball game in middle school. The coach would always pick someone different to play the game and people would rotate, and I personally was athletically challenged so probably one of the reasons I was never picked, but you watch everyone else get to have fun playing the game and you just stood there waiting to be picked and never did.
Becoming a journalism major people in my classes were much more friendly, and I joined some other organizations that were relevant to the major and I feel like I’m finally making friends in college.
Last semester I felt like my mental health was at risk because I felt so alone. I am so glad to have met all the amazing people this year so far and I actually have hopes to make some great friends. Finding the right environment for me really helped turn my life around, and if you are ever feeling left out, find the environment where you feel completely being okay yourself, never try to be someone different to make friends and create an environment where you can thrive socially and academically.
I know I was high school prom queen and wore a physical crown but we all wear our own crowns in our own way. If you are ever feeling alone and feel like you’re not special, remember that you wear a crown over your head and do not let anyone take that away from you.