Valentines Day is a special day for many people, but it can also be a source of grief for many others. If you’re single on Valentines Day, the whole world seems to be constantly reminding you of that fact. Beautiful bouquets of crimson roses and boxes of deliciously sweet chocolates are front and center in every store. If that isn’t enough, the giant teddy bears that say “I love you” are impossible to ignore. The most popular question besides how many midterms you have is, “What are your Valentines Day plans?”
All of this can cause people who don’t have a SO to celebrate with to feel especially lonely and worthless. The idea that your life isn’t complete without a romantic partner, especially for women, is not limited to Valentines Day. We are constantly bombarded with messages from popular media that until you have found “the one”, it’s impossible to be truly happy. The dominant trope involves a career focused woman in her late twenties to early thirties who has the perfect job, but is ultimately unsatisfied and pitiful because she doesn’t have a man. Enter in cliche goofy but lovable–generally White–man who sweeps her off her feet and completes her life. We all know these are movies, but they still impact the way we view ourselves.
I have a lot of trouble accepting this narrative. In my opinion, you can only love someone else if you love yourself first, if you’re okay with being alone. And being alone doesn’t have to be a bad thing! If you think about it, such a small fraction of our lives is spent truly alone–when you aren’t in a relationship, living at home with your parents, or have just broken up with someone. Instead of feeling sad and like our lives are incomplete, we should celebrate these moments. It’s liberating to be alone sometimes, to be able to make decisions without considering anyone else’s wants or needs. To be able to travel wherever you want, take a job across the country, or try something new that you’ve always wanted to do but felt like you had to wait for someone else to do it with.
It’s also important to keep in mind how young we are. The media is also guilty of making people feel like if they aren’t with someone that they are going to marry before they’re thirty, they’ll be destined to be alone forever–this is crazy! You’re never too old to fall in love, to start over, to be alone. And, if you think about it, are you really ever alone? You have someone in your life that loves you, either a friend or family, and why isn’t that enough for us? We should cherish and celebrate all kinds of love, not just the kind that Hallmark makes cards and gifts for.
The only person you will truly have and are with forever is yourself, so you should learn how to be happy with that, how to love spending time with just you. This Valentines Day, and every day, I challenge you to remember how amazing you are, regardless of your relationship status. There is no reason that February 14th should be an unhappy day, nor any reason that saying you’re “single” should ever be a bad thing. And, when you do find that person you want to be in a relationship with, you’ll understand that loving someone doesn’t mean that you are one half of a whole, but rather you are two complete individuals that encourage one another to be your best selves.
Gifs taken from Giphy.com