With its cool air, crisp leaves, and musky scents settling atop the city of Toronto, autumn brings with it a sense of undeniable romance. At the same time, students are launching into their first semester of the academic year—slowly at first, then all at once. This omnipresent feeling of romance induced by Mother Nature and the unavoidable stress induced by school make for an interesting season wherein relationships are formed, come to an end, or, in many cases, are not on the agenda altogether.
Yet whether we are happily single, tenderly taken, or coping with a painful split, university romance is a strange and complex world that rarely works according to plan. Luckily, we’re all in this together. As four students at the University of Toronto offer four very different romantic experiences from both the past and present, perhaps we can find a sliver of wisdom in this odd, uneven time where romance and academia are fighting for our [limited] attention.
Single Life
Michael*: “Being single over the course of my university experience has been one of growth. I might even go forth to say that it has been a necessary choice for me. I’ve gotten the chance to comprehend how I deal with the events in my own life: the good ones and, more importantly, the bad.”
Michael, a fourth year humanities student, values the time he has spent on his own throughout his undergraduate career. Describing it as a conscious and even “necessary choice,” Michael’s decision originated not from an aversion toward relationships, but rather, a healthy attitude toward independence: “[Some people] may simply say ‘he’s just bitter’ or ‘he just hasn’t found that special someone!’ [but] I don’t believe that this insecure reasoning is true, and I’m glad that I have had the time to be single. I am also not against the idea of a relationship now that I have had time for myself.”
Fateful First Love
Caitlin*: “I look back on my time that was spent with my first love with a great deal of affection […] but I think it’s really important to log some hours on your own in university – [to] figure your stuff out.”
Despite the inevitable hardships that accompany breaking up with a first love, Caitlin, a fourth year social sciences student, looks back fondly on her relationship that came to an end during the summer before third year: “When you’re with someone at this age for a long time, you grow up with them, and they become a big part of who you are.” At the same time, however, Caitlin acknowledges the silver lining in allowing that chapter of her life to come to a close: “I view the time that followed our breakup as when I really came into myself,” she says.
Codependent Coupling
Larissa*: “I do think it may have been better for [me to have had] more independence since I was losing all confidence in my abilities to be able to do anything on my own.”
Larissa, a third year humanities student, looks back at her first university relationship as a space of encouragement, but also one that stifled her ability to flourish emotionally: “His academic pursuits and hard work were motivation for me to work harder […] But I became dependent on him, and I stayed with him [though] I realized we weren’t right for each other because of the [emotional] state that I was in.”
Contently Committed
Andrew*: “Having an encouraging person who loves you for who you are is an immense boost to your confidence.”
Having been in a relationship for the entirety of his undergraduate career thus far, Andrew, a fourth year social sciences student, believes that his significant other has contributed to his overall success at the University of Toronto, particularly with regards to his social life: “I don’t feel the need to show off in front of other women. While this often means I’m goofy or nerdy in general, I’m ok with it and I think it adds to a more natural feel to my character.”
———————————————
Perhaps what our four colleagues can teach us is that there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to the romantic choices we make as students. No matter the time of year, it’s okay to focus on school and our personal wellbeing. It’s okay to love, and it’s okay to learn from love. What’s important is not whether we are single or taken, but rather, that we make decisions based on our own, personal happiness, whatever the source of that happiness might be.
*Names have been changed
Photo Source:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i76ts3mKkiE/T4gr6sSHkhI/AAAAAAAAAFE/Ag7D5x6O63…